Click for larger image.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Accept Me As I Am [a prayer for the profane]
Accept me as I am.
A liar, a fool, a pretender.
A profane obnoxiousness full of venom
and lies.
A soul refracted into many --
all reflections mere imposters --
pining for one.
Accept this.
See me
who I am.
See me.
See the filth, the lie, the shining heart
that yearns and yearns and yearns
even in its maddening forgetfulness.
This mad woman
with a tattered robe
and a mouth full of lies --
lies and venom.
Lies and venom.
Accept me as I am.
For I am a serpent,
I am a lie,
I am a masterful delusion
that children can see through for a laugh.
A cauldron bubbling, toads croaking in the silence
while some angels double over in laughter at the drama that this is.
Yes, it's a drama.
It's an expulsion.
It's a spitting of words jumbled, uncouth, unrelated that do not belong to my mouth.
I have drank venom
and I spit it,
I spit it,
I spit it.
Such a cad of a woman.
I am in tatters
but proud.
I am mad
but vain.
I have no reason,
no notion,
no not even bewilderment.
Just a load of hateful lies to spit out. Out and out.
I spit.
I spit out that I am other than who I am.
I am me.
I spit out that I must not will to live.
I live.
I spit out that another but You is the master of my faith.
I say, "No!"
I say no, no, no, no!
None of you fake imposters,
you oblivious beings
who do not find meaning within your wondrous existence, you!
You!
You whose eyes are glued inwards,
looking into the back of their abysmal skulls,
watching your endless plays of misery or trivial happiness
are my masters.
You are liars.
You are liars.
You do not even know your fate.
You do not know what raced you to conception,
and what is guiding you swiftly towards your death
you self-serving dolls!
You are not my masters.
Alas! Alas! Master! They have held my soul by the throat.
They have held my soul by the throat and poured in me their vials of lies
suggesting that You are forgetful, that You do not love,
that we are not together, You & I,
living and breathing one another in one breath of
Al-
Lah.
Al-
Lah!
Breathe me.
Breathe me my Master.
I have become profane.
And You are Sacred.
I am a lie.
And You are the Truth.
I am a delusion, a whiff of dust.
And I take three spaces when I have but one for me.
Therefore You Are! You Are! You Are!
You Are.
Lead me.
~
.ramla
12:48 am
Sitting in the lawn
legs folded
on the grass
under the moonlight, and the warming rays of a street-lamp
Karachi, Pakistan
Friday, February 06, 2009
Are you really giving love daily - self-test
This one came in a newsletter. Very useful.
The truth is that too often we look for love to come our way, when the best way to receive love is to give love on a daily basis.
Here is a quick quiz to see if you are really giving love daily. It is based on holy scriptures that read: Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not boast. Love is not proud, rude or self-seeking and love takes no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, always trust, always hopes and always perseveres. Love never quits. [1 Corinthians 13]
Now, to take the test, say your name everywhere you see the word LOVE and see if the scripture still speaks the truth. (ie. Ali/Miriam is patient.......that one might get a bunch of us right there!)
If you find that you aren't being love, then perhaps you aren't really giving love to its fullest. Take time this week to be the love you wish to receive and watch how love begins to come your way!
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Bond of Trust: Two People, One Encounter
Last night, half an hour past midnight, the doorbell rang. It startled me.
I was writing - the windows of my room, that faces the gate, were lit up. I could hear people in the streets, playing winter night sports perhaps. I could hear the laughter of the watchmen though I was not sure whether it was the street watchmen indeed? For a bare month ago, they were driven out of the city amidst tense ethnic strife. I hadn't caught up on whether they had returned, for I have been hibernating deep in the bowels of my home for weeks, oblivious to the world.
I thought I'd check.
With a woolen shawl wrapped around me - both to protect from the cold and to appear imposing to any possible intruder - I stepped out and asked, "Who is it?"
Through the wide slits of our gate, one can see outside-in, inside out from quite a distance. A young boy who appeared scruffy from his hair replied in a broken voice: "Help me! My mother has just died in a hospital!" He did not specify what did he need.
For anyone who lives in highly insecure urban areas such as Karachi - and for myself, whose family has faced a good deal of violence and robbery the memories of which still manage to disturb my sleep - this is ample for alert and suspicion. This is how would-be robbers trick one into opening doors. This is how "they" gauge whether there is a tender-hearted fool in the house who can also produce money at slight prompting. This is how we are used to thinking in Karachi.
I briefly considered the inconvenience of unlocking the door to our terrace upstairs, peering out from the balcony on to the street, look out for accomplices, read the boy's face and body language, and then proceed with a moral analysis of how much money should I give him.
And then I considered the state of my own mind: addled with fear.
For the past few weeks, I have been in a retreat - secluded in my house and mostly in one room - allowing myself to turn out and throw away the conditioning by others from within me, along with the much more dangerous conditioning by my own mental constructions. To just be. To be closer to being a purer human.
If, indeed, this boy who was probably still awaiting an answer outside as I stepped back in after replying with a vague, "Hmmm... OK." (which in my language can also mean, "OK, wait there!") needed help - if he was telling the truth - what would I do?
I sometimes see images of myself... consoling the desperate, putting a hand to their head, and sharing the gifts of God with them: food, comforts, and other rights that humans have over one another. My cowardly turning away was not in conformity with this image.
So I said to myself: this boy, whether a liar or someone who tells the truth, obviously is a person in need. Secondly, his exact story may be true. And if there is indeed a soul out on the streets in the night, looking for consolation or support or charity as his family died perhaps in very desperate conditions, who would help them? Who would be the keeper of the brothers and sisters in desperate need? That there were people in the street and indeed children cackling somewhere in the laps of their young fathers celebrating a late night playing outside on the weekend, gave me some comfort.
I decided: liar, mugger, or truly in need - one thing is for certain. This person has come from God, from within the vastness of this Universe to my door. I do not know what is in his heart. But I can master what is in mine. And my heart choose to believe. To trust. To honor the guest of Allah no matter what his character. For a man might intend to hurt me, but not my God. I do not have the power to help or not help a person. Who am I give or withhold? I have only the power to choose the state of my own heart, and act accordingly. I have only the power to serve from that which is given to me, or to let fear or greed prevent that.
And so, I made the decision: I will choose trust over fear. Love over division.
I went and took a little cash - for my newly faith was weak and still tainted with fear - and stepped out in front of the gate again. The boy, partially covered by the gate's design, appeared to be leaning against it. I asked again, just to make conversation and to gauge the quality of his soul through his voice: "What do you want?" He repeated something broken but made no specific demand. I think he repeated that his mother had died. Some flashbacks of being held up at gunpoint flashed through my mind. My mind whispered that I was a fool who let other people believe they have lots of spare cash. I half expected see the barrel of a gun pointing in my direction through the slit.
I took a deep breath. What a shame that my mind lives in such imaginary violence as if it is really happening! I inched closer to the gate, taking cover behind the adjacent wall, hastily shoved the money through the slit near the wall, stepped back and said: "Take it. Take it!" His fingers slowly pulled out the money. I walked backwards closer to the door of my room, keeping an eye on him - for a diminishing fear for myself, and a growing concern for this urchin. Then I turned back, and so did he.
I was writing - the windows of my room, that faces the gate, were lit up. I could hear people in the streets, playing winter night sports perhaps. I could hear the laughter of the watchmen though I was not sure whether it was the street watchmen indeed? For a bare month ago, they were driven out of the city amidst tense ethnic strife. I hadn't caught up on whether they had returned, for I have been hibernating deep in the bowels of my home for weeks, oblivious to the world.
I thought I'd check.
With a woolen shawl wrapped around me - both to protect from the cold and to appear imposing to any possible intruder - I stepped out and asked, "Who is it?"
Through the wide slits of our gate, one can see outside-in, inside out from quite a distance. A young boy who appeared scruffy from his hair replied in a broken voice: "Help me! My mother has just died in a hospital!" He did not specify what did he need.
For anyone who lives in highly insecure urban areas such as Karachi - and for myself, whose family has faced a good deal of violence and robbery the memories of which still manage to disturb my sleep - this is ample for alert and suspicion. This is how would-be robbers trick one into opening doors. This is how "they" gauge whether there is a tender-hearted fool in the house who can also produce money at slight prompting. This is how we are used to thinking in Karachi.
I briefly considered the inconvenience of unlocking the door to our terrace upstairs, peering out from the balcony on to the street, look out for accomplices, read the boy's face and body language, and then proceed with a moral analysis of how much money should I give him.
And then I considered the state of my own mind: addled with fear.
For the past few weeks, I have been in a retreat - secluded in my house and mostly in one room - allowing myself to turn out and throw away the conditioning by others from within me, along with the much more dangerous conditioning by my own mental constructions. To just be. To be closer to being a purer human.
If, indeed, this boy who was probably still awaiting an answer outside as I stepped back in after replying with a vague, "Hmmm... OK." (which in my language can also mean, "OK, wait there!") needed help - if he was telling the truth - what would I do?
I sometimes see images of myself... consoling the desperate, putting a hand to their head, and sharing the gifts of God with them: food, comforts, and other rights that humans have over one another. My cowardly turning away was not in conformity with this image.
So I said to myself: this boy, whether a liar or someone who tells the truth, obviously is a person in need. Secondly, his exact story may be true. And if there is indeed a soul out on the streets in the night, looking for consolation or support or charity as his family died perhaps in very desperate conditions, who would help them? Who would be the keeper of the brothers and sisters in desperate need? That there were people in the street and indeed children cackling somewhere in the laps of their young fathers celebrating a late night playing outside on the weekend, gave me some comfort.
I decided: liar, mugger, or truly in need - one thing is for certain. This person has come from God, from within the vastness of this Universe to my door. I do not know what is in his heart. But I can master what is in mine. And my heart choose to believe. To trust. To honor the guest of Allah no matter what his character. For a man might intend to hurt me, but not my God. I do not have the power to help or not help a person. Who am I give or withhold? I have only the power to choose the state of my own heart, and act accordingly. I have only the power to serve from that which is given to me, or to let fear or greed prevent that.
And so, I made the decision: I will choose trust over fear. Love over division.
I went and took a little cash - for my newly faith was weak and still tainted with fear - and stepped out in front of the gate again. The boy, partially covered by the gate's design, appeared to be leaning against it. I asked again, just to make conversation and to gauge the quality of his soul through his voice: "What do you want?" He repeated something broken but made no specific demand. I think he repeated that his mother had died. Some flashbacks of being held up at gunpoint flashed through my mind. My mind whispered that I was a fool who let other people believe they have lots of spare cash. I half expected see the barrel of a gun pointing in my direction through the slit.
I took a deep breath. What a shame that my mind lives in such imaginary violence as if it is really happening! I inched closer to the gate, taking cover behind the adjacent wall, hastily shoved the money through the slit near the wall, stepped back and said: "Take it. Take it!" His fingers slowly pulled out the money. I walked backwards closer to the door of my room, keeping an eye on him - for a diminishing fear for myself, and a growing concern for this urchin. Then I turned back, and so did he.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Grace
While it does not say much for our character and fortitude if we have to get things out of our way before we can start living, it does say something of the way we have been living our lives thus far. Admittedly, the moment we become present and realize that we ought to "correct" something, we cannot suddenly break into a new life situation in terms of things and people.
However I like to believe we can. And that we do, eventually. Still, it depends upon our fortitude and indeed upon the larger will of Being. There are, of course, essentials that never change such as blood relations. To attempt to sever our very foundation leads to a very quick death, remember that. People who break ties too often, die.
Let there be no admonishment of self for the past. That is guilt, too often sold as a virtue. Being your true self in the first place would ensure you do not enroll yourself into a situation where you eventually cannot get along. Know that I am not suggesting we attempt to eliminate unfavorable situations - or that what we perceive as unfavorable - and make our lives a pursuit of ill-defined pleasure. I am suggesting that we consistently choose to flow with our life. That's it. We all know when and how we choose to go where we don't want to, and don't go where our heart calls us.
As it is said there is no right or wrong path - rather a path with your heart in it, and everything else. The difference is not of right or wrong, but what you want to live and what you won't. A far more crucial matter is of acceptance and non-acceptance. The Land of Right and Wrong is for those with lesser vision. Let them be.
If you are glad that your path is clearer in any way, for God's sake and for your own, be thankful and happy. It is not what happens that matters as much as our attitude towards it. Do not laugh at people even in your privacy. Have compassion - have absolute compassion even if you are not meant to associate with a person, event, or idea in your life. Choose not to see them as much as you see yourself - for you are the fundamental constant in the changing equation of your life.
Teach yourself compassion, and practice it! There are matters that do not even need our actions. They appear to us, and then they dissolve. We do nothing more than observe them. Let them come, and let them go. Do not think that you are the lord of every bit of your life. There are other people in this space where we co-exist. Let them be. That is your freedom. Do not choose the version of freedom that enslaved minds envision: a situation where they face nothing. That is the vision of freedom of one who is essentially a captive of their own entity.
In this space, there will be rise and fall and growth and perishing. Observe more than you interfere. Grace is the engagement you allow yourself - of course you can opt for the inappropriate and then get to see the results.
Acceptance is of two kinds:
First, you accept yourself.
Then, you accept the moment.
The acceptance of self is in the form of ever -evolving knowledge. The acceptance of the moment is to do the appropriate thing. Over time the two build on each other, but if there is a first move, then it's the one that you make by choosing to accept yourself. For you are the source. You are the fundamental integer of Being.
Prophecy, do not read as much into the story as in your outlook towards it. The message in the moment if for you to just be. You feel happy. Feel it deeply. Feel gratitude even if there is no reason. Make compassion your way. For the next few days, make it an active practice to behold a situation or person that you hate in Love.
Perhaps to begin with, hold yourself in Love. I must practice the same? I feel there is too much ordering of you.... How parental!
All right, let compassion begin at heart, shall it? "I forgive my own self!"
This is Christmas Eve - the world is commemorating Christ, peace be upon him. In his spirit, let there be overflowing love and light within!
Let there be Love! Let there be Grace! Amen, amen!
However I like to believe we can. And that we do, eventually. Still, it depends upon our fortitude and indeed upon the larger will of Being. There are, of course, essentials that never change such as blood relations. To attempt to sever our very foundation leads to a very quick death, remember that. People who break ties too often, die.
Let there be no admonishment of self for the past. That is guilt, too often sold as a virtue. Being your true self in the first place would ensure you do not enroll yourself into a situation where you eventually cannot get along. Know that I am not suggesting we attempt to eliminate unfavorable situations - or that what we perceive as unfavorable - and make our lives a pursuit of ill-defined pleasure. I am suggesting that we consistently choose to flow with our life. That's it. We all know when and how we choose to go where we don't want to, and don't go where our heart calls us.
As it is said there is no right or wrong path - rather a path with your heart in it, and everything else. The difference is not of right or wrong, but what you want to live and what you won't. A far more crucial matter is of acceptance and non-acceptance. The Land of Right and Wrong is for those with lesser vision. Let them be.
If you are glad that your path is clearer in any way, for God's sake and for your own, be thankful and happy. It is not what happens that matters as much as our attitude towards it. Do not laugh at people even in your privacy. Have compassion - have absolute compassion even if you are not meant to associate with a person, event, or idea in your life. Choose not to see them as much as you see yourself - for you are the fundamental constant in the changing equation of your life.
Teach yourself compassion, and practice it! There are matters that do not even need our actions. They appear to us, and then they dissolve. We do nothing more than observe them. Let them come, and let them go. Do not think that you are the lord of every bit of your life. There are other people in this space where we co-exist. Let them be. That is your freedom. Do not choose the version of freedom that enslaved minds envision: a situation where they face nothing. That is the vision of freedom of one who is essentially a captive of their own entity.
In this space, there will be rise and fall and growth and perishing. Observe more than you interfere. Grace is the engagement you allow yourself - of course you can opt for the inappropriate and then get to see the results.
Acceptance is of two kinds:
First, you accept yourself.
Then, you accept the moment.
The acceptance of self is in the form of ever -evolving knowledge. The acceptance of the moment is to do the appropriate thing. Over time the two build on each other, but if there is a first move, then it's the one that you make by choosing to accept yourself. For you are the source. You are the fundamental integer of Being.
Prophecy, do not read as much into the story as in your outlook towards it. The message in the moment if for you to just be. You feel happy. Feel it deeply. Feel gratitude even if there is no reason. Make compassion your way. For the next few days, make it an active practice to behold a situation or person that you hate in Love.
Perhaps to begin with, hold yourself in Love. I must practice the same? I feel there is too much ordering of you.... How parental!
All right, let compassion begin at heart, shall it? "I forgive my own self!"
This is Christmas Eve - the world is commemorating Christ, peace be upon him. In his spirit, let there be overflowing love and light within!
Let there be Love! Let there be Grace! Amen, amen!
Friday, December 05, 2008
Don't Turn Around!
Well Prophecy!
What did I tell you? Listen to your heart EXACTLY at the moment when it speaks! :) Do exactly as it says! You missed again, woman! How unlearned!
You did not pay heed again, right? None of your signs shall come from the outside. You *must* live your principles NOW and in entirety. DO. NOT. BE. FOOLED. BY. THE. RELAXATION. THAT. IS. GRANTED. TO. YOU. You will end up amongst blind fools, banging their heads against walls within which they shall find themselves confined! Do not be fooled at all. This time calls upon your highest ethic, your sacrifice of self-interest, your avoidance of that which is convenient and tempting. Do not be fooled at all. All lies are to come to an end. Very soon, you shall see.
Listen. Listen closely. What did I tell you? You must see the flaw: you are asserting the principles that you are not living. The key is to live your principles! For your own sake!
Listen! The doors of the Source are closed to those who do not integrate. In fact, the door is created out of dis-integration! Layers of your SELF are the thresholds! Do not split, do not scatter yourself over space and time. Fear not, desire not! Do not be amongst the fools. Do not be misled.
Listen! Hold on to the rope of Allah. Hu alone is the One Who shall not disappoint you. Do not forget Hu as your purpose of being.
What did I tell you? I told you, look not to the back. There you shall see a closed Universe and finished business. It is sometimes helpful when wants to reflect, but this is catastrophic as a habitual perspective. Look, rather towards the vast, unformed Universe that is waiting for you to become a question for it is your answer! You felt comfort and liberation in the thought, but then there you went off to the familiar!
You have very little time left. Have sense, have foresight, and quickly move away from here. Trust Allah, trust Allah's Benevolence, and open your heart up to reception from The Source itself.
Have fortitude. Have greatness of heart. Let things and people be. Let the Truth be as it is and wish not against which Allah has ordained for you. Have conviction in the benevolence that has so far guided you. Trust yourself. Love your self. Honor your self. Leave, and do not turn around or else you will become the mythical stone forever etched in pathetic misery. What is to happen behind you is not a matter for you to indulge in!
This is a gentle but last warning. The signs around you are so quite you shall not know what happens, how fast, and when. Do not play with Hu's limitations. Hold on to the rope, and distinguish the rope from the long leash that the fools are on.
Be wise!
And yes, Happy Birthday!
What did I tell you? Listen to your heart EXACTLY at the moment when it speaks! :) Do exactly as it says! You missed again, woman! How unlearned!
You did not pay heed again, right? None of your signs shall come from the outside. You *must* live your principles NOW and in entirety. DO. NOT. BE. FOOLED. BY. THE. RELAXATION. THAT. IS. GRANTED. TO. YOU. You will end up amongst blind fools, banging their heads against walls within which they shall find themselves confined! Do not be fooled at all. This time calls upon your highest ethic, your sacrifice of self-interest, your avoidance of that which is convenient and tempting. Do not be fooled at all. All lies are to come to an end. Very soon, you shall see.
Listen. Listen closely. What did I tell you? You must see the flaw: you are asserting the principles that you are not living. The key is to live your principles! For your own sake!
Listen! The doors of the Source are closed to those who do not integrate. In fact, the door is created out of dis-integration! Layers of your SELF are the thresholds! Do not split, do not scatter yourself over space and time. Fear not, desire not! Do not be amongst the fools. Do not be misled.
Listen! Hold on to the rope of Allah. Hu alone is the One Who shall not disappoint you. Do not forget Hu as your purpose of being.
What did I tell you? I told you, look not to the back. There you shall see a closed Universe and finished business. It is sometimes helpful when wants to reflect, but this is catastrophic as a habitual perspective. Look, rather towards the vast, unformed Universe that is waiting for you to become a question for it is your answer! You felt comfort and liberation in the thought, but then there you went off to the familiar!
You have very little time left. Have sense, have foresight, and quickly move away from here. Trust Allah, trust Allah's Benevolence, and open your heart up to reception from The Source itself.
Have fortitude. Have greatness of heart. Let things and people be. Let the Truth be as it is and wish not against which Allah has ordained for you. Have conviction in the benevolence that has so far guided you. Trust yourself. Love your self. Honor your self. Leave, and do not turn around or else you will become the mythical stone forever etched in pathetic misery. What is to happen behind you is not a matter for you to indulge in!
This is a gentle but last warning. The signs around you are so quite you shall not know what happens, how fast, and when. Do not play with Hu's limitations. Hold on to the rope, and distinguish the rope from the long leash that the fools are on.
Be wise!
And yes, Happy Birthday!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Affection
Old haiku, written years ago:
Affectionate friend/
You magic touch of kindness/
Wakes me up to joy!
_RA
aka The Prophecy
I insist on remaining defiant of the world! And poetic! This is my time!
Affectionate friend/
You magic touch of kindness/
Wakes me up to joy!
_RA
aka The Prophecy
I insist on remaining defiant of the world! And poetic! This is my time!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Wilderness
An unspeakable restlessness has gripped me.
And within it, the slightest shimmers of comfort.
I feel as though I am walking alone in a wilderness... in an utter aloneness... bewildered, but not quite. Sad, but not deeply. Moved - and yes that I am!
Sometimes I doubt if I am really grounded in reality. The world does something else, and I see something else. What I see then eventually comes true. The distance between my seeing and its realization, though, sometimes seems to stretch.
I will be more honest now. First, what does it mean to be honest and to be not honest? To me, it just means this: the more quickly I accept myself, the more I am integrated, there are no spaces within me.... and that makes my word honest, and my action, integrated. Until the thought, word, and action are the same.
I am at such a point of acceptance of who I am that at once feeling true, and at another level: lost. Alone. Disconnected. I have grown rapidly over the past few days, and it is my mission to continue to achieve certain goals by the Saturday - when it will be my birthday.
Dear me! Listen to how I command myself!
I am so tired. I am restless. I am aware of something much larger than I have known before. I feel desperately alone in this new world. I wish I had another to relate this to - yet it is my choice to sacrifice that wish in order to be closer to Hu.
I believe I shall see the end of this temporary wandering, this bewilderment, that I shall find what I'm looking for - or rather, it shall find me.
And within it, the slightest shimmers of comfort.
I feel as though I am walking alone in a wilderness... in an utter aloneness... bewildered, but not quite. Sad, but not deeply. Moved - and yes that I am!
Sometimes I doubt if I am really grounded in reality. The world does something else, and I see something else. What I see then eventually comes true. The distance between my seeing and its realization, though, sometimes seems to stretch.
I will be more honest now. First, what does it mean to be honest and to be not honest? To me, it just means this: the more quickly I accept myself, the more I am integrated, there are no spaces within me.... and that makes my word honest, and my action, integrated. Until the thought, word, and action are the same.
I am at such a point of acceptance of who I am that at once feeling true, and at another level: lost. Alone. Disconnected. I have grown rapidly over the past few days, and it is my mission to continue to achieve certain goals by the Saturday - when it will be my birthday.
Dear me! Listen to how I command myself!
I am so tired. I am restless. I am aware of something much larger than I have known before. I feel desperately alone in this new world. I wish I had another to relate this to - yet it is my choice to sacrifice that wish in order to be closer to Hu.
I believe I shall see the end of this temporary wandering, this bewilderment, that I shall find what I'm looking for - or rather, it shall find me.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
You Are Laughing!
Dear Allah!
I am feeling terribly sad at the moment. OK, the word terrible overdoes it, not that sad really, but enough to have forced out a tear.
Yes, yes, alllllllll I want is to get your affectionate attention. I mean my only passing solace is this that I have at least started feeling closer to You again, and not as distant and cast outside as I had thought myself out to be.
I talk too much.
So. How do I make fun of my situation? I mean there's this urge in my heart to petition You, to communicate with you in my human wordy language. to draw Your attention, even though it's already there. And somehow, not to do it such that it is ungrateful.
You are You, You change not, the only one who changes is I with respect to you! I am the only one really learning to dance here, for You are already in Your pre-determined glory!
Well.
So I feel like a mouse, who has been caught stealing stale cheese. And while the cheese was being whisked away, I manage to stuff a bite so big in my mouth that I can't swallow nor would spit. It's too big to let go, and too much to digest. This bit of stolen stale cheese! This desire that is stuck in my throat, that I am not spitting out! You know it's stuck in the mouth of this hapless mouse. You are laughing, for Your benevolence always plans something far more interesting and rewarding than a stale piece of cheese. But I am a mouse with a limited capacity for intelligence, and I think I better hold on to my ill-benefiting loot!
You have turned me out empty like a wallet full of forgotten knick-knacks, but there is a coin still stuck in.
I am astounded at the tenacity of my own desires! How absurd!
So this is my situation currently. Are You laughing? For I am near tears! I believe In You, and I am in tears.
I cannot laugh at this any longer Allah! You have created me and Your knowledge of my being is subtle and all-pervasive. You have known me.
I know You too. It could not be that You give me an improbable stone and I can hammer it into shape. This is an improbable stone. Because it is Desire, and I am not meant to have it.
You alone are privy to the pain that I have felt for my plans. Those perfect, fixed plans. Those ideas, notions, concepts. It all seems so right, but it all goes so wrong. I am not going to blame the whole scheme of things. I am going to accept that what I put my heart after is not what is meant to be achieved this way.
I am going to accept that You have an infinitely better idea for this mouse, dangling as of now from Your fingers by the tail, wailing in misery. Laugh! Humor Yourself! I am a clever enough mouse to smell the abundance I haven't yet seen.
Yes, I am miserable at the thought of giving up, but it's momentary. I want to share something with You. My heart is in considerable sadness, but I am thinking, I should trust You.
After all, for all the other things that I have given up, I have always found that which is far more permanent and indestructible, right in the middle of the chaos of this world. I have found security, depth, and joy.
I am really miserable Allah. I am miserable for my desire. I thank You for the growth You have given me through this trial, but I am thoroughly done with this. My heart tells me that it is time for me to have learned enough.
You know I have decided to dedicate these next few days entirely to myself. (Well, this has not happened quite the way I imagined, but I am content that I am following an emerging plan.) I have decided to let go of both physical materials and the desires of my heart. This could be temporary insanity, but it's something I am going to do to lighten myself enough to be ready for the massive transitions You have set in motion.
And so, I had started giving things up - things that I love, but things that I wanted to give away to enrich the lives of another. Yet there is this thing that remains: my plan for human love.
This is hard for me, and then again, not so completely. I am hapless in or out of love. I have had to speedily transform so many of my relationships - transforming them into something benevolent, something that allowed my growth also.
Yet there is this one that remains.
I am helpless, I am truly tired. I am blessed, and in gratitude. I am floating, and I am not alive.
I will, in short, to hand over to You. To let go. To give up. Utterly. Completely.
I want to empty myself out to You. Fully empty.
Where I am empty, You are Filling - and I will not even ask for this fulfillment. Have with me as You may Your way. I am not frightened of You anymore. I trust You. May be I pretend it is hard for me to give up, but my heart is so full of grief for withholding from You, that I wish, at some level, for this emptiness... for this Surrender.
Take me! Take everything I possess! Turn it to dust, and blow it all away! Free me from my enslavement! Grant me the freedom of complete surrender, of annihilation, of death before I die!
Release me from my desire!
Take my eyes, mouth, hands, feet! Finish the I off, and Be You! In all Your glory!
Amen!
I am feeling terribly sad at the moment. OK, the word terrible overdoes it, not that sad really, but enough to have forced out a tear.
Yes, yes, alllllllll I want is to get your affectionate attention. I mean my only passing solace is this that I have at least started feeling closer to You again, and not as distant and cast outside as I had thought myself out to be.
I talk too much.
So. How do I make fun of my situation? I mean there's this urge in my heart to petition You, to communicate with you in my human wordy language. to draw Your attention, even though it's already there. And somehow, not to do it such that it is ungrateful.
You are You, You change not, the only one who changes is I with respect to you! I am the only one really learning to dance here, for You are already in Your pre-determined glory!
Well.
So I feel like a mouse, who has been caught stealing stale cheese. And while the cheese was being whisked away, I manage to stuff a bite so big in my mouth that I can't swallow nor would spit. It's too big to let go, and too much to digest. This bit of stolen stale cheese! This desire that is stuck in my throat, that I am not spitting out! You know it's stuck in the mouth of this hapless mouse. You are laughing, for Your benevolence always plans something far more interesting and rewarding than a stale piece of cheese. But I am a mouse with a limited capacity for intelligence, and I think I better hold on to my ill-benefiting loot!
You have turned me out empty like a wallet full of forgotten knick-knacks, but there is a coin still stuck in.
I am astounded at the tenacity of my own desires! How absurd!
So this is my situation currently. Are You laughing? For I am near tears! I believe In You, and I am in tears.
I cannot laugh at this any longer Allah! You have created me and Your knowledge of my being is subtle and all-pervasive. You have known me.
I know You too. It could not be that You give me an improbable stone and I can hammer it into shape. This is an improbable stone. Because it is Desire, and I am not meant to have it.
You alone are privy to the pain that I have felt for my plans. Those perfect, fixed plans. Those ideas, notions, concepts. It all seems so right, but it all goes so wrong. I am not going to blame the whole scheme of things. I am going to accept that what I put my heart after is not what is meant to be achieved this way.
I am going to accept that You have an infinitely better idea for this mouse, dangling as of now from Your fingers by the tail, wailing in misery. Laugh! Humor Yourself! I am a clever enough mouse to smell the abundance I haven't yet seen.
Yes, I am miserable at the thought of giving up, but it's momentary. I want to share something with You. My heart is in considerable sadness, but I am thinking, I should trust You.
After all, for all the other things that I have given up, I have always found that which is far more permanent and indestructible, right in the middle of the chaos of this world. I have found security, depth, and joy.
I am really miserable Allah. I am miserable for my desire. I thank You for the growth You have given me through this trial, but I am thoroughly done with this. My heart tells me that it is time for me to have learned enough.
You know I have decided to dedicate these next few days entirely to myself. (Well, this has not happened quite the way I imagined, but I am content that I am following an emerging plan.) I have decided to let go of both physical materials and the desires of my heart. This could be temporary insanity, but it's something I am going to do to lighten myself enough to be ready for the massive transitions You have set in motion.
And so, I had started giving things up - things that I love, but things that I wanted to give away to enrich the lives of another. Yet there is this thing that remains: my plan for human love.
This is hard for me, and then again, not so completely. I am hapless in or out of love. I have had to speedily transform so many of my relationships - transforming them into something benevolent, something that allowed my growth also.
Yet there is this one that remains.
I am helpless, I am truly tired. I am blessed, and in gratitude. I am floating, and I am not alive.
I will, in short, to hand over to You. To let go. To give up. Utterly. Completely.
I want to empty myself out to You. Fully empty.
Where I am empty, You are Filling - and I will not even ask for this fulfillment. Have with me as You may Your way. I am not frightened of You anymore. I trust You. May be I pretend it is hard for me to give up, but my heart is so full of grief for withholding from You, that I wish, at some level, for this emptiness... for this Surrender.
Take me! Take everything I possess! Turn it to dust, and blow it all away! Free me from my enslavement! Grant me the freedom of complete surrender, of annihilation, of death before I die!
Release me from my desire!
Take my eyes, mouth, hands, feet! Finish the I off, and Be You! In all Your glory!
Amen!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Love Is Poetry
Image credit: sxc.hu/asifthebes
One of my favorite words these days seems to be "lyrical." The idea of lyrics is closely tied with fluidity. Lyrics flow.
The state of fluidity is to have no blocks.
There are no blocks once there is no resistance.
No resistance is surrender.
Surrender is to allow life to be lyrical. To allow life to reveal its poetry.
But I was speaking of love - and poetry. In a state of surrender to the energy of Love, we feel its force, its ebb and flow, its rising and falling, much as we experience poetry. Love has its own rhythm.
And it is this rhythm which may explain the connection between poetry & love, and Rumi's words and a divine sense of love that is at once individual. Rhythm is the ebb and flow of energy. A rhythm that flows out of surrender has an energy that is out-flowing and abundant. It is an energy that gives. It is an energy that is the force of life. It is the kind of energy that you can see throbbing alive in a leaf, or the warmth of the one you love.I feel at once in a state of surrender, and of love. And the beauty is, that this is love that is not demanding me to split between The Divine and the Human - it is the One and the Same. Indeed, is it not the beauty of Rumi's poetry? The universality?
Yet was it of Rumi that I meant to write?
No, I meant to write of just poetry, love, and I.
A few days ago, a poem occurred to me. It was inspired by human love, yet when I began to write, I addressed it at once to God and human. Is there a difference? No longer, for me. It cannot be, because if one speaks of love, and holds the concept in integrity, then there cannot be God and another who is somehow apart from God.
Let this not confuse minds. It means that once we surrender to God's Will, love flows out of it that bathes our Universe in its glory. After that, whoever we love is by the Will of God, and that makes our love no separate from God (Who we know through Hu's Will).
Have I made this complicated? I am interpreting the lyrics, which is not a fine practice. Love is poetry, and great poetry is a bit of mystery. Yet these are times of mysteries unraveling, thus we know all is One. If it were a mystery, we'd still see more of everything.
I am not making sense. My head is still full of poetry, intertwined with the oft-unmagical quality of this existence. But I love this unmagicness, for it allows me to transform it through love, and a bit of poetry.
Rumi image courtesy: Rumi Sushi
In Between
In between
You and I
there is yet
a distance.
In that distance
live our stories;
and on the other side
Your eyes and a smile.
There are
instances
when it seems
that the stories -
the broken histories and the futures -
are shards
that will bleed the feet
of those who dare tread upon them.
But on this side
is a heart of love
and on the other side
You and a smile.
~~~
by: RA
aka The Prophecy
Hmmm. I started writing this poem on a sudden inspiration on a camping trip over the weekend, when I was interrupted after the first line. I am sleepy right now, and this is what has flown out of my fingers. I think I initially wanted to "resolve" this distance in between - but this poem says to me, "Let me be, I am finished! I am finished on a smile!"
Well. I should get used to mystery again.
...
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
I Wrote All Day...
Just discovered the fantastic Red Leather Diary yesterday, through Facebook.
A certain Miss Lily Koppel discovered the decades old diary of a teenage girl, Florence Wolfson. Koppel set off on a trail and eventually met the writer of the diary - now a feisty old lady in her nineties.
This is a fascinating discovery. A line from the diary stole my heart: "Wrote all day -- and my story is still incomplete."
I have meant all this year to get my personal writing published. So far, only my business writing has made it to print, with me dragging my feet (or my reluctant heart?) over publishing of my memoirs. One question has dogged me: "Where would I end the memoir?" I am still alive, still living, still loving, still getting my heart broken, still witnessing miracles. I have not yet found the love of my life. I have not yet made a great material fortune.
I still break further and further down every day. I still haven't mastered my love and my rage. I have little to impress people with.
I have met beautiful souls, though, and I have learned a bit about the truth of loving, the kind of love that is about shining forth - about giving. I still try to learn from my own wisdom, and still falter on my way. I open my eyes every day, and no matter what hand of fortune I have been dealt, I witness beauty and the verve of life in the plainest of creations.
I know truths, but don't find who to speak it to. I love, but have trouble sharing it. I intend to remove myself from my own way of being. And my daily life, as of now, is a patient, tender struggle with myself. I have found no person worthier of love than my own Self, which has been the only constant in my life.
So that's my story. It has no conclusion. It has no morals. It has only a few twists that I magnify for my own indulgence.
Something tells my heart, and in turn my heart tells me, that even this insignificant tale matters. Not in terms of publishing and being read and eventually forgotten. But in terms of it having been lived, at all.
So. Somehow. Without a conclusion. I am writing my life's story. I am getting my memoirs published. Story by story.
A certain Miss Lily Koppel discovered the decades old diary of a teenage girl, Florence Wolfson. Koppel set off on a trail and eventually met the writer of the diary - now a feisty old lady in her nineties.
This is a fascinating discovery. A line from the diary stole my heart: "Wrote all day -- and my story is still incomplete."
I have meant all this year to get my personal writing published. So far, only my business writing has made it to print, with me dragging my feet (or my reluctant heart?) over publishing of my memoirs. One question has dogged me: "Where would I end the memoir?" I am still alive, still living, still loving, still getting my heart broken, still witnessing miracles. I have not yet found the love of my life. I have not yet made a great material fortune.
I still break further and further down every day. I still haven't mastered my love and my rage. I have little to impress people with.
I have met beautiful souls, though, and I have learned a bit about the truth of loving, the kind of love that is about shining forth - about giving. I still try to learn from my own wisdom, and still falter on my way. I open my eyes every day, and no matter what hand of fortune I have been dealt, I witness beauty and the verve of life in the plainest of creations.
I know truths, but don't find who to speak it to. I love, but have trouble sharing it. I intend to remove myself from my own way of being. And my daily life, as of now, is a patient, tender struggle with myself. I have found no person worthier of love than my own Self, which has been the only constant in my life.
So that's my story. It has no conclusion. It has no morals. It has only a few twists that I magnify for my own indulgence.
Something tells my heart, and in turn my heart tells me, that even this insignificant tale matters. Not in terms of publishing and being read and eventually forgotten. But in terms of it having been lived, at all.
So. Somehow. Without a conclusion. I am writing my life's story. I am getting my memoirs published. Story by story.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Look Within Your Heart!
My dear woman,
Neither in the tomes ancient,
Nor in words of women and men wise -
Neither in the prayers of the kind,
Nor even in the warm embrace of lovers...
At some time, not even in the spirit that protects you
lies God within.
When you come so far,
Then no further shall you go.
For now there is no going back or forth,
North or South, East or West.
Stop and look now within your heart,
Where always, ever God does rest.
---
Dear Prophecy:
You feel dismay? But of course! Enjoy the feeling, and surrender to it, so it shall reveal its secret. It tells you that you indeed shall not get anything from anyone at this moment. It tells you, in other words - there are always, ever, other benevolent words we grasp hardly - it tells you that you have reached the point where you must now find the remedy within you!
You won't see anything if you look around, for it is the moment to look within.
Look within your heart, my dejected self, look within your heart! Celebrate your dejection - it is a sign post! Look! Look! Look Who's coming to stay within!
Surrender!
****
Monday, August 25, 2008
I'm a Lover. This is My Way.
Dear Prophecy
Allah's Design is astounding. To come here you had to close your heart. It is uncharacteristic of you, but it was required to get you moving on from a certain stage. Love, my dear, is by principle open. To draw nearer, open up your heart. Again. Be vulnerable. Enjoy this. You have forgiven. That is a state of ego.
Now seek forgiveness! Can you reach out to those who you must connect with? Can you shed your identity and your involvements behind? Can you, instead, just be truly human? Can you extend your right hand in cooperation and in love?
Can you lose your sight and see through Allah's Eyes? Can you quieten your inner voice and hear through Allah's Ears? Can you drop your arm and work through Allah's Hand? Can you stop your footsteps and walk with Allah's Feet?
You can. You will. For from here onwards, this is the Way to Reach Love! Give love. Seek to connect. Drop your residual agenda. Submit to Allah. Live through Hu.
(Written on August 24th, 2008 in my diary, as an inspiration hit me.)
Saturday, August 09, 2008
A Disappointing Woman
Allah:
You know me, and I trust you. What is it with my prayer for Your Love to increase for me, and the world turning its back upon me?
But to be honest, I finally, really could not care less. I do not care what they think of me, or what they say. I ask You for You; and when I perceive You, I cannot care what flaws, handicap, or imperfections I have. An appraisal of my defections is not just a life-long distraction by default, it also entirely is a statement of ingratitude.
Allah, I do not have a printed certificate from You that declares who I am or what my existence means, that I can present to the world. None such oddity exists either. Nor do I bother!
You created as many ways to reach You as there are hearts in human chests. So I tell You what my way is - regardless of any other way: my way is the way of not concentrating upon my "flaws" but to love You. I see how Beautiful You are, and any other contemplation is a waste. I have had enough of occupying myself with my errors. I do not care! I have no time to dwell upon myself in Your Presence!
In order to accept You, I accept me! That is it! I accept who I am! I accept where I am!
You love me!
I love You!
I will not explain this to anyone! I will not explain how I am sheltered in my homelessness, well in my sickness, and submitting in my 'sin.'
I am, to them, a disappointing woman. A woman who comes up to no expectation, a good-for-nothing, morally-challenged woman who needs supervision. Most think the same, and a few behold me in awe. Neither matter, for I am tired of blame or praise, and I am with You.
And if this all means that my prayer for Your Love is accepted, then witness when I say: I love You. I disappoint all else. And so be it.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Here There & - a poem
HERE THERE &
Here There &
You felt
and I felt
Eternity
in one instance.
Then step,
I step
You step.
I walk
you stop.
You run
I stand.
Here there &.
I sensed
and you sensed
Presence
in Eternity.
Then avert,
You avert,
I avert.
You revert,
I assert.
I explain
you demand.
Here there &.
This step, that step,
Right step, wrong step,
on-path, off-path,
full where, half there,
half here. Not aware.
When time will
still stand?
Here there &.
If could I
could you be
at one time
at place one ...
just meet!
It would be a moment – a full, present moment – in which we will see
all Eternity, together. Nothing will be out of place. Neither will be
looking away; searching, searching endlessly and never finding what is
right in front of us. Our hearts will be with us, not breaking into
bits & pieces over the fractured continuum of Time! All things will
flow, effortlessly. Here. Only Here.
--
A poem by
_RA
aka The Prophecy
July 31, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Lack of Trust?
Dear woman!
Somewhere, deep down in your heart, you do not trust the world. Deeper than that, I like to believe, is an ocean of trust - but perhaps that is common to all souls. We humans have the capacity to cap the ocean within - and you may be doing that.
You know what it could be. Transform it.
There are two ways to look at the same thing: either you choose to blame it, or you make something out of it. The latter, actually, is the product of a grateful heart, they say.
The first approach is sometimes used for a dramatic effect. There is much in the media and social culture that nods to that one episode of screaming, shouting, laying the blame, shocking the other out of their wits. That seems to settle scores. That seems to put an end to life as it "happens." It stops the world in some way.
The other is a quieter approach which is less visible in outer machinations, but requires great maturity within. It is the way that seems to disturb nothing, but produces an infinitely more beautiful life to live in. It changes us - which is the key project for which we are created.
The purpose of life is to live your own life Prophecy. In addition to some broken trust - which, actually, is just an interpretation of an event - what may be ailing you right now is seeing your life through another's eyes, putting your reins in another's hands. Are they even asking for it?
No.
Don't set yourself up for automatic failure by making choices that are bound to be unrealized. Far more worthy of your trust is your own self, your intuition when it speaks. Ask yourself. In the smallest of matters, adopt a way of looking that is the Way of Allah. See things through Allah's eyes. Let things be, for they may be needed for the Story of the Universe to be written out. Don't dwell on the script, act!
You love, you know how to love, you must love your self. Not the base, animal, selfish self - but the Self Within. The deepest core of you. Remove the veils from the eye that sees the world with trust - it is the eye of the Source. This is not an abstraction, and this is not mere philosophy. This is a way of perception, which leads to a very real world.
Calm your heart, and drench it in remembrance of who you really are!
The, even the very question of trust or lack of trust will dissolve. Trust me!
Somewhere, deep down in your heart, you do not trust the world. Deeper than that, I like to believe, is an ocean of trust - but perhaps that is common to all souls. We humans have the capacity to cap the ocean within - and you may be doing that.
You know what it could be. Transform it.
There are two ways to look at the same thing: either you choose to blame it, or you make something out of it. The latter, actually, is the product of a grateful heart, they say.
The first approach is sometimes used for a dramatic effect. There is much in the media and social culture that nods to that one episode of screaming, shouting, laying the blame, shocking the other out of their wits. That seems to settle scores. That seems to put an end to life as it "happens." It stops the world in some way.
The other is a quieter approach which is less visible in outer machinations, but requires great maturity within. It is the way that seems to disturb nothing, but produces an infinitely more beautiful life to live in. It changes us - which is the key project for which we are created.
The purpose of life is to live your own life Prophecy. In addition to some broken trust - which, actually, is just an interpretation of an event - what may be ailing you right now is seeing your life through another's eyes, putting your reins in another's hands. Are they even asking for it?
No.
Don't set yourself up for automatic failure by making choices that are bound to be unrealized. Far more worthy of your trust is your own self, your intuition when it speaks. Ask yourself. In the smallest of matters, adopt a way of looking that is the Way of Allah. See things through Allah's eyes. Let things be, for they may be needed for the Story of the Universe to be written out. Don't dwell on the script, act!
You love, you know how to love, you must love your self. Not the base, animal, selfish self - but the Self Within. The deepest core of you. Remove the veils from the eye that sees the world with trust - it is the eye of the Source. This is not an abstraction, and this is not mere philosophy. This is a way of perception, which leads to a very real world.
Calm your heart, and drench it in remembrance of who you really are!
The, even the very question of trust or lack of trust will dissolve. Trust me!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
To Have Light Within
Prophecy:
I have made an apparently obvious but significant decision, and since then, I am quieter. And my heart is lit up with light. I am feeling a phrase I intended 4 months earlier is now manifesting on the level of experience. When I first conceptualized "Love in Being" - it was just that: a concept. So many weeks and many heartbreaks-over-false-love later, I am now experiencing deep within me what Love means when it awakens. This is just the beginning.
Yet all this must mean my decision passes the Truth Test. Only Truth sets you free, my soul, only Truth sets you free!
I have no delusion, no hope, no fear, no nothing. Above all, it is the end of the seeking of happiness and excitement that has brought me to where I am. So this is how it feels.
I will tell you where I am: I feel as if for more and more extended periods of - I will not call it Time, but Concentration - concentration, I am here. In the Now. So this is how it feels!
How does it feel?
It at once feels as though I have no past to stay entangled in and no future to get hazy about, and yet - paradoxical as spiritual conditions are - I feel connected in these moments to my entire history... to my entire existence, rather, for history is history... and the Existence of... well, just Existence. And then Being. Do you notice how my vocabulary is changing?
I have felt calm, quiet, and within me. No longer stuck to the window, looking outside, losing a sense of self that has disturbed me for the past few months. I have felt just a very little pain, but it's sort of a gate: when I feel pain again, I know that I am still somehow at the threshold.
I have felt terribly betrayed in these days, and that reminded me, here I was, at the threshold, neither here nor there. Was it not I who was saying that it's living a lie - or not living the Truth - that keeps our souls in agony and consumes our energy? Did I not say that it's not making a decision that keeps up on the horns of Hell? Well, all words we say, we say to a Mirror that is this Universe. It talks back to us. Listen, we must.
I feel an increasing integration. This integration, this rooting back in the Now - it is familiar. Perhaps now I can start saying, yes, my soul used to live here before... but I will never pat my own back. For it will stop me form going further. Besides, who am I to reward myself?
Prophecy, having crossed a certain painful threshold with the help of a decision....
[INTERRUPT] OK, guess what? I am terribly sleepy and this is not the time to write. My heart is begging me to sleep. I still haven't got over the habit of abusing myself. The next question I must answer: why do I do this? Why, indeed, is this fairly "normal" behavior? Why are we humans driving ourselves against our own will in the pursuit of, pardon the paradox, happiness?
All things adults do to be happy are things that made them unhappy as children. And then we grow up to resist our own selves. Shame on the education ad nurturing of this world!
Or shame on those who mock those who passed away before them! What are you doing Prophecy?? Wake up! Remember, you never blamed! Remember yourself. Remember who you are!
Wake up. Wake up!
I have made an apparently obvious but significant decision, and since then, I am quieter. And my heart is lit up with light. I am feeling a phrase I intended 4 months earlier is now manifesting on the level of experience. When I first conceptualized "Love in Being" - it was just that: a concept. So many weeks and many heartbreaks-over-false-love later, I am now experiencing deep within me what Love means when it awakens. This is just the beginning.
Yet all this must mean my decision passes the Truth Test. Only Truth sets you free, my soul, only Truth sets you free!
I have no delusion, no hope, no fear, no nothing. Above all, it is the end of the seeking of happiness and excitement that has brought me to where I am. So this is how it feels.
I will tell you where I am: I feel as if for more and more extended periods of - I will not call it Time, but Concentration - concentration, I am here. In the Now. So this is how it feels!
How does it feel?
It at once feels as though I have no past to stay entangled in and no future to get hazy about, and yet - paradoxical as spiritual conditions are - I feel connected in these moments to my entire history... to my entire existence, rather, for history is history... and the Existence of... well, just Existence. And then Being. Do you notice how my vocabulary is changing?
I have felt calm, quiet, and within me. No longer stuck to the window, looking outside, losing a sense of self that has disturbed me for the past few months. I have felt just a very little pain, but it's sort of a gate: when I feel pain again, I know that I am still somehow at the threshold.
I have felt terribly betrayed in these days, and that reminded me, here I was, at the threshold, neither here nor there. Was it not I who was saying that it's living a lie - or not living the Truth - that keeps our souls in agony and consumes our energy? Did I not say that it's not making a decision that keeps up on the horns of Hell? Well, all words we say, we say to a Mirror that is this Universe. It talks back to us. Listen, we must.
I feel an increasing integration. This integration, this rooting back in the Now - it is familiar. Perhaps now I can start saying, yes, my soul used to live here before... but I will never pat my own back. For it will stop me form going further. Besides, who am I to reward myself?
Prophecy, having crossed a certain painful threshold with the help of a decision....
[INTERRUPT] OK, guess what? I am terribly sleepy and this is not the time to write. My heart is begging me to sleep. I still haven't got over the habit of abusing myself. The next question I must answer: why do I do this? Why, indeed, is this fairly "normal" behavior? Why are we humans driving ourselves against our own will in the pursuit of, pardon the paradox, happiness?
All things adults do to be happy are things that made them unhappy as children. And then we grow up to resist our own selves. Shame on the education ad nurturing of this world!
Or shame on those who mock those who passed away before them! What are you doing Prophecy?? Wake up! Remember, you never blamed! Remember yourself. Remember who you are!
Wake up. Wake up!
Monday, June 23, 2008
No-thing Happening
Dear HU,
Your love has made me good-for-nothing-else. I constantly think of You, and You have taken out of my mind and heart - You have wrenched apart from my life, torn away from my heart - anything or anyone that occupied them, because I perceived them as else, and not part of Your Design.
That perception is my flaw. But I am not writing to speak of my flaw, rather of my love, which is inevitable.
They will not understand my condition and keep presenting me with worldly affairs. Some of them know that this is not where my heart lies, but they keep persisting. Is this the last temptation You are judging my firmness with? Are there yet more to come?
Because You can carry on; I am satisfied enough in You to say that I am not distracted from You but for small moments. And then I turn back to You.
And I keep this condition capsuled within my heart as I must carry on in the world as if no-thing is happening.
Your love has made me good-for-nothing-else. I constantly think of You, and You have taken out of my mind and heart - You have wrenched apart from my life, torn away from my heart - anything or anyone that occupied them, because I perceived them as else, and not part of Your Design.
That perception is my flaw. But I am not writing to speak of my flaw, rather of my love, which is inevitable.
They will not understand my condition and keep presenting me with worldly affairs. Some of them know that this is not where my heart lies, but they keep persisting. Is this the last temptation You are judging my firmness with? Are there yet more to come?
Because You can carry on; I am satisfied enough in You to say that I am not distracted from You but for small moments. And then I turn back to You.
And I keep this condition capsuled within my heart as I must carry on in the world as if no-thing is happening.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
