Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Learning to Dance

One of the toughest challenge that I find in my life is to be brave when I am completely crumbling inside. Sometimes that feeling occurs so often - I get up a morning happy, and by evening I feel the weight of the world on my heart... or I wake up with a sense of foreboding, and then work the day towards changing my world, deliberately. And I sleep in content.

I believe in spreading courage, not despair - especially when there is much apparent reason to have despair without. I find opportunity and beauty even in problems and ugliness. Yet maintaining that perception has not always been easy.

Especially lately, I see my Universe changing astoundingly quickly, sometimes several times a day. I find my heart unmanageable, I want to cry, I feel as if I would die and having nothing... this sense of loss... even this sense of loss does not stay long enough for me to savor it... and then suddenly I find a fullness, an un-describable richness surrounding me.

The past three months have been such a tumultuous ride. I cannot truly say what I think - but it seems that Destiny has seized me, and I have seized Destiny in an uncomfortable dance.

It's like trying touching the nose of your mirror image by touching the mirror, and feeling annoyed at seeing the hand actually moving away from the nose. It takes some learning to get going along with the way the whole thing works. I am at once fascinated, and frustrated. I cry with happiness, and then with sadness.

In all this time, my heart has broken and re-mended and broken and re-mended and broken and re-mended so many times. I have no control over this. I have no idea of what's happening. I only see my whole life as a ribbon unfurling in the wind.... it flutters, and with it, my heart, my love, my fear, my courage.

There is no sealed guarantee about what I must expect in my life, that I can wrap in a velvet bag and put under my pillow so I can put my head comfortably over it and sleep. There is no knowing what my heart will go through in the next few moments. It might just break again, and I might have to go on being brave despite all ache. I don't know. It might experience unexpected love again, and I might be bewildered at how I attract such beautiful energy despite my doing nothing. I don't know.

I just don't know. But I feel that slowly, somehow, I am learning the steps to this cosmic dance. This, perhaps, is the only thing that helps me get by through this Uncertainty of Being.


1 comment:

  1. Hi Prophecy ,

    Your story is interesting .
    I am currently writing a story set in and on Indo-Pak border . All the more why I am interested .

    Tell me , prophesy , why do you like Pakistan . I too am fascinated by Pakistan .
    I wish there were mechanisms by which countries could fall in love with each other and find inseparable soulmates .

    Tell me about your heart makes and brakes , for then you may find an immortal place in Bollywood Blockbusters .

    Screen yourself for bipolar , schizophrenia and other unidentifyble beautiful experiences .
    I suspect that I too experience them occasionally .

    I do wish you find your hidden soul . That might help you find that one (or many ?) soulmate
    waiting in wings .

    I would be delighted to hear tales of your heart-soul amalgam .

    Just an inconsequential doubt .

    Why do you like fools ?
    Did you mean phools i.e . flowers ?

    Smile ,