A Quest for Beauty; A Lust for Life!
Allah is Beautiful, and Hu Loves Beauty!
When the primordial Question, "Am I not your Lord?" reached my perception, I remember, I had said, "Yes! And You are Beautiful! And I love You!" That became the anthem of my soul. Then I was put to sleep. Now I wake up. This is a chronicle of my awakening.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Other than Him there is no protection
I am destined to a horrible, terrible, hollow life. I hurt myself. I did this for my mother. I hurt and cut myself deeply so I can be offered up as sacrifice for her. I have to fund a way to die fast, and get away from this all.
My heart is a wastefuckingland.
What power do You have, O Allah? Why did You not take away Your child from such horrific abuse, terrir and trauma? Why didn't I die at the end of it all? When will You 'die' me? How lobg will this go on? What is happening? What is on the other side? When will I go there? Why are You with me? Why are You not? What is it that's diminishing in me? Why will You not take me away from my horrible father? Does my father want to fuck me? Yes, he dies. He wants to fuck all hus children, one by one. And especially he wants to fuck me—he cries like a cold jackal around me, waiting for attention. He wants to fuck me and take the last bit of my life out. They are nit human beings, they are jackals and animals.
And I am just trash. Addiction-prone trash.
Once, I had a home. I had a very large home: my place was this whole world. Then I don't know what happened. I have become very tiny and small. Previously, I knew even that there were farmers moving back to land in Greece—it was their only option for economic survival. I knew what was happening where. Then suddenly, the magic crystal ball was taken from me. My world spilled out of me.
I am intolerable, this is intolerable.
I am in the clasp of the Devil who is bent upon tearing me out as though he is plucking feathers from a chicken. Horrified as I am, parts of me are being tattered out of me, and I am going round and round in space and time.
I want to kill my house. And my fucking, fucked-up, bastard-of-a-father. That asshole. He wants to hurt me, he wanted to take my life. Well he can have me and fuck me whichever way he wants to, that fucking, flying, ever-sabotaging bastard.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I must perform abject acts of murder and terror upon myself. That will make everybody happy; everybody who was gathered around me, and wanted to watch me go and die completely.
Somehow, my bloody,,fucking parents are behind this all. They wanted to murder me, to sacrifice me at the alter.
(PS I have suffered massive muscular and neural damage. And J continue to kill myself, completely. Manhoos!)