Monday, February 21, 2005

A measure for everything...

...and everything by a measure!

The primary subject with which I have been concerned lately is destiny. In my language, Urdu, it is called “Taqdeer” – which derives from the Arabic word “qadr.” Qadr means “measure.”

Why this etymology? Because words and sounds represent concept – especially the more ancient the word/ phonetic sound, the closer it is to a concept.

Anyhow. Qadr means measure. This is fact #1. I pieced that together with truisms from the world of Physics, Mathematics, and Spiritualism – all of which state that there are fixed formulae and measures for everything. Initially, during my study of scriptures and spiritual sciences, I thought the word “formula” was used figuratively. Just like I’d say, “That model is a gorgeous bomb,” by which, of course, we do not expect her to explode any time.

But no. Formula means FORMULA. A precise, mathematical, physical formula. There is a measure for everything – we know that there are certain physical laws that govern our lives. And our knowledge of these laws will allow us to manipulate those formulae. There is a certain force required to project a rocket away from earth’s gravitational pull. This is a formula… this is a measure… and knowing this measure can change “qadr” for the one who has this knowledge. The more measures we know, the more we are able to manipulate. The more we know, the lesser we do not know. The more we know, the more the “qadr” is in our hands. The more we know, the more we control the formula – the destiny.

Being Extraordinary

We can achieve extraordinary things if we understand the relationship between I and the World.

Our relationship with the world is a bit strange. Most of us believe that we are somehow contained in the world. There is one huge world out there, which is watching us, analysing us, and of which we are the frigid, timid center. The world is watching.

Interestingly, the world sees us as an actor.

"I" has to know that the world is not a container, it is contained in our imagination, or perception, or whatever it is. We are actors in this world - and the more extraordinary ones understand that we also write the script.

I was walking in the tiny lawn of our home one day, when I met a lizard. Using the world's universal language (the secret language of Solomon), I spoke to the lizard. I thought it was horrendous looking, and I would certainly have a heart attack if it jumped at me. This I told the lizard plainly. The lizard replied, "With your thin brown skin and those ever changing attires, I think you look horrendous. I would have a heart attack if ever you jumped at me."

I was afraid of the lizard. The lizard was afraid of me. We both froze in fear of each other.

And this is the relationship between I and the world: of mutual appraisal, fear, paralysis.

The extraordinary amongst us is the child who shoos a hand at the lizard - even if in curiosity or to tease the animal - and watches it scamper away. Being extraordinary is just the simple act of acting when all else remains put.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Because of you

Today was my first theater class. Actually, I took a mime class yesterday. Mime is the adults' term for the antics and theatrics of children. We played many kiddie games. Making faces and the eccentric gaits and gestures was certainly slipping down the age ladder. And did I enjoy it! try at home; it is a deliciously liberating and educative experience.

Today I attended my first regular theater class at the Academy. I swithced lanes; and a mixed feeling of liberation and anxiety came with the package. Finally I told myself, what's the big deal? Why are we, in this society, so rigid about the charts of our lives anyway?

But really, it isn't easy for me, with my linear education, and lateral mind. Ah, I think I have put it better than how I did last time before this post was erased. Lateral mind, and linear education. I think I have banged on the issue!

I distinctly remember
December 31, when I made the last-hours decision to join the course. I decided to walk to and from the Academy. The helped me lower my head while walking among strangers and think, Should I? Shouldn't I?

At that moment, I thought I needed inspiration, the support of someone who'd understand exactly what I want and what I am afraid of and what I aspire for.

I have an imagery for moments of inspiration, expecially when they are created by another visible being. I imagine the simple picture of a glorious, brilliant sun piercing through the density of clouds after the rain. That glistening ray of the sun! That energy that reveals itself gradually but powerfully.

And so I thought of Someone who, unlike most others in my life, understands me. And my dreams, which are essentially me. The night before, I promised that I will never compromise - never on my dreams, my abilities, my potential.

And as my feet wavered as I walked up to the Academy, that promise became my inspiration, my hope. I did not know about the future, but I thought it was good enough for all those who first walked on an unknown path to have someone who believed in them as blindly and unconditionally as they believed in their dreams. Whenever I do not compromise on what I can achieve, and what difference I can make, I have to look in to my heart, where I keep all memories and promises beautiful, and whisper the simple words: Thank you.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

I hate

All right. I figured out how I lose most of the posts I write. It's when I hold Shift and press the up arrow twice. And there's no way to CTRL + Z that.

I have a very un-nice word to say.

I want to kill Blogger.

And all was light!

I have been away for so long, and there is so much that I have wanted to write since.

The summary of it all should be that my life has become an interesting and sometimes joyous and sometimes frightful mangle of faith and disbelief. Which is amazing since I have learnt that all I need to do is to look within my own self when I look for faith.

While experiencing a certain dark period of my life recently, I thought: what keeps people going, even through the hardest of times?

It's an intriguing question, and I tackle it like one of those economics test questions: what influenced the sales volume? You keep all factors constant but the one under examination.

So I took a battery of answers to the question what keeps people going, even through the hardest of times? What makes isolated prisoners incarcerated in dark dungeons aspire for freedom? What makes people fleeing from war zones travel towards unknown peace? What makes us sleep thoughtless of whether we wake up tomorrow?

What can make me get through?

A promise? But sometimes we do without. An inspiration? But sometimes we do without. A supporting figure? But sometimes we do without. A sound or a sight or a ray of light filtering in through the darkness of times? Oh, but sometimes we do without.

What do we do with?

Where does faith come from?

Imagine any extraordinary hero. And the amount of faith they put in the unknown. We read about heroes in history, which causes a certain false perception that they knew exactly what they were doing and where they were going. It's hard to step back in time with them, step in to a time before they achieved what made them a hero, and look at their future through their eyes.

What did they see?

A void of a future, filled with their dreams. Dreams inspired by faith that often came from nowhere outside, but from within.