Accept Me As I Am [a prayer for the profane]

Accept me as I am.

A liar, a fool, a pretender.

A profane obnoxiousness full of venom

and lies.

A soul refracted into many --

all reflections mere imposters --

pining for one.

Accept this.

See me

who I am.

See me.

See the filth, the lie, the shining heart

that yearns and yearns and yearns

even in its maddening forgetfulness.

This mad woman

with a tattered robe

and a mouth full of lies --

lies and venom.

Lies and venom.

Accept me as I am.

For I am a serpent,

I am a lie,

I am a masterful delusion

that children can see through for a laugh.

A cauldron bubbling, toads croaking in the silence

while some angels double over in laughter at the drama that this is.

Yes, it's a drama.

It's an expulsion.

It's a spitting of words jumbled, uncouth, unrelated that do not belong to my mouth.

I have drank venom

and I spit it,

I spit it,

I spit it.

Such a cad of a woman.

I am in tatters

but proud.

I am mad

but vain.

I have no reason,

no notion,

no not even bewilderment.

Just a load of hateful lies to spit out. Out and out.

I spit.

I spit out that I am other than who I am.

I am me.

I spit out that I must not will to live.

I live.

I spit out that another but You is the master of my faith.

I say, "No!"

I say no, no, no, no!

None of you fake imposters,

you oblivious beings

who do not find meaning within your wondrous existence, you!

You!

You whose eyes are glued inwards,

looking into the back of their abysmal skulls,

watching your endless plays of misery or trivial happiness

are my masters.

You are liars.

You are liars.

You do not even know your fate.

You do not know what raced you to conception,

and what is guiding you swiftly towards your death

you self-serving dolls!

You are not my masters.

Alas! Alas! Master! They have held my soul by the throat.

They have held my soul by the throat and poured in me their vials of lies

suggesting that You are forgetful, that You do not love,

that we are not together, You & I,

living and breathing one another in one breath of

Al-

Lah.

Al-

Lah!

Breathe me.

Breathe me my Master.

I have become profane.

And You are Sacred.

I am a lie.

And You are the Truth.

I am a delusion, a whiff of dust.

And I take three spaces when I have but one for me.

Therefore You Are! You Are! You Are!

You Are.

Lead me.

~

.ramla

12:48 am

Sitting in the lawn

legs folded

on the grass

under the moonlight, and the warming rays of a street-lamp

Karachi, Pakistan

Great Person?

I was reflecting the other day that there is really no such thing as a great person. Whoever each person becomes was their within their potential anyhow. That was their mandate, their chance, their place in the scheme of things.

It is no greatness to be who you are -- it is exactness and circumspection. Therefore a person who is truly noble is not one that is rising above or expanding beyond their natural space (and different people have different natural spaces), but the one who restrains themselves exactly to their natural space. This makes them 'disappear' in a sense for they are part of the same fabric that everyone else and everything else is a part of, too. Thus by way of being part of the same, we become invisible to each other. Visibility, then, is akin to the visibility of a wart on a flawless skin -- it garners immediate attention. But it is truly great?

This brings me to the case where we seek greatness by way of extending beyond ourselves. First, we must note, that a thing or a person may be stretched beyond themselves temporarily, as some kind of structural adjustment. This is not desirable and it points to something that is not working somewhere, yet it happens. It is not, sometimes, a deliberate decision. The kind of extension-to-greatness that is to be warned of is.... seeking significance. Being 'great' by being more than oneself, handling more than one can honestly deliver, consuming others' space to be, to work, to exist.

This is, oddly, considered noble. There is nothing noble about it. It may be something that arises out of a deliberate need to be a giant, or out of an inability to make decisions and keep life in perspective, or sheer ignorance of one's scope and limitations. In any case, this is tiresome. It also costs one's relationships, drains one's world, and, even, cost the planet in tangible terms. For instance, such a person would be traveling all over the town doing 3 jobs, one of which they can give up if they so choose.

It is said in Islam, which is the way I subscribe to, that true greatness only belongs to Allah: Allah being All-That-Is. Allah is not just greater or the greatest. Allah is Great.

What does this mean? It means that there is a gestalt of being. That the whole is larger than the sum of its parts, that it has an energy of its own that cannot be accounted for by the sum of parts. It is that which is great, truly more, truly creative, truly the Source. It is the creator of potential.

A human being -- or any other kind of being -- is not. It is only itself: good, bad, ugly, or beautiful -- anything, but not great.

~ra

"No further Shall You Go!"

What a moment it is when one realizes that at the end of the path, they meet none other than one's own self.

That one's self is vulnerable, open, truly bewildered, and utterly not-in-control. That one is sustained in a fascinating way with a threadbare yet potent connection that grants one all life.

There is no mastery of the affair, and no end to further comprehension. At the end, one is only left in a state of not-knowing. "I know that I truly, really, do not know."

Answers vanish.

Notions dissolve.

There is no mastery of the future. There is no way that the past can be erased such that it is not a living part of one's self. One comes only as far as the Present.

Where one is one. One is whole. One is complete. One is as one is.

One is brought back to the center, to the self, to a state of necessary obligation and acception, for beyond that circumference is a raging fire -- a friend that defines the parameter of one's being.

One is no one.

Thus far one comes, and no further shall one go.

And Allah knows best.

Alhamdolillah!

If!

Prophecy:

Any human's highest aspiration is to realize their own highest potential. Do you remember the method - that alchemical method - through which a person's heart may be changed?

It is to remind them of who they are.

This, Prophecy, was your method: reminding a person of who they are, reminding them of the essential goodness. It was no wonder that your work was never hard for you. What is hard for most, and for you at this moment, is to have the equanimity to see the essential truth of a person beyond their circumstances and situations. And to see the essential truth of a situation beyond what people make it to be.

Prophecy, it cannot be overemphasized that a person becomes a human by way of virtue. Virtue is not an accident, it is a choice. It does not "happen" to us. Universe happens to us, and we exercise virtue in response. Over time, a virtue that was exercised in the past prevents accidents and "responses" in the future that are actually the after-effects of our actions in the moment... thus we feel we are having to "react" lesser and lesser. We gradually become incremental master of our fate. Fate is character; mastering character is mastering fate.

Prophecy, I wish to remind you of who you are: You are a woman of virtue, character, and an ability to keep herself together when everything is falling apart. You way is not the way of succumbing to the reigning emotion. Too many, too-many-to-count fine, beautiful souls got stuck in that trap.

Prophecy, there is no rushing through the situations and lessons of life. You cannot short-cut the path to your own learning by swaying with emotion, and wishing that the results will be taken care of by way of some evaporation. What "evaporates" at one place "condenses" at another. As your perception grows, you learn that there is no "there" - it is all "here." In One Space. That's why what goes round, comes round.

Nothing goes away, because there is no away. Everything is here, it stays and matures and "comes back" into your story when its time has arrived. The running away, the killing approach never truly worked. You are blessed if the seeds of your action are maturing quickly so you can see for yourself what fruit springs forth from what seed.

I appeal to the goodness in you to let goodness prevail. You must acknowledge the progress you have made on your path - do not allow it to be destroyed by fear or greed. Do not speak words of anger or of sarcasm. Fear Allah. Be fair. Do not, also, be soft and appeasing. Speak the truth in whatever tone you have been granted with. Truth is a strength unto itself, it requires no shouting. It only requires the conviction and the honesty of the one speaking it.

Do not let Ego change its ever subtle shape and trap you in its ploy. Beware of the dangers on your Path. Awareness overcomes unconsciousness.

Trust yourself, communicate with yourself, stay rooted, and let nothing and no one sway you. You are your path. Find that fine middle way between staying firm, and being responsive to change. Between firmness and kindness.

Speak the truth, for nothing else liberated the human soul but speaking and appreciating the truth. Speak the truth.

If, and only if Prophecy, you can see that this is exactly where you are meant to be! If, and only if Prophecy, can you understand that this is also a test! If, and only if Prophecy, you can find the lesson and apply it! If, and only if Prophecy, you can be you while all goes to chaos... you will be a human.

Aspire to this.

.

How to Choose Your True Path

Prophecy,

There are many realities, there is only one Truth. You are at a stage where you know there really isn't anything that's a choice: there is one path for you to walk on, and the rest are distractions, tempting as they might be. The fire and the sorrow that you feel in your heart immediately as you contemplate a "choice" - which is in truth distractive - is a blessing. This is why they say that in each instance, the Universe is a blessing, it is based on the principle of positivity.

When you feel that fire, when you feel that hollow - thank Allah! Thank yourself, too, for being alive and sensitive to your condition within (and without). Thank Allah for giving you the capacity to discern what's your destiny from amongst a myriad of intellectual choices.

The mind knows many things, the heart knows only one thing: the Truth.

You were choosing, once again, from what is freely available to you - except, of course, the most disastrous of distractions, for even looking at them can destroy what you have walked towards. You were given all that you desired, which then brought up three questions:

• What do you desire?
• Why do you desire it?
• Even if it's meant for you, why do you still approach your fate from the path of desire? Why not be liberated?

No wonder your heart was on fire again, and you could not sleep. You will not sleep until your intention has been chiseled into beauty.... I will not say perfection, because we are creations, we are in constant change, we are not permanent, we are not perfect nor meant to be.

So, choosing your true path is actually easy, given that your perception is trained to see positivity above negativity. Negativity is somehow more obvious, may be because it pulls our energies so dramatically that we cannot but know it exists. Actually, this ought to be a blessing because through this feeling of being consumed, we ought to know what not to be consumed by.... but it's not enough to feel, what is needed is to act according to what we have perceived.

The fortunate ones, however, train to perceive positivity. It is that beatific, serene, expansive path which puzzles some because it seems to be not "doing" anything. That's the beauty of it, for it does not act upon us as much as it allows us to be who we truly are. Positivity in humans exhibits in the form of those souls around whom we feel safe, joyful, creative, and "ourselves."

The heart knows this all. It is the receptor of feeling. The heart can be blinded by the mind's desire - its chemical, conditioning-driven desires - but the heart truly knows.

You will, Prophecy, always find comfort in choosing that which the heart chooses. That which the heart feels secure in. The path where there is no guilt, no rancor. Of all the mess of choices, your heart knows where love is. It is difficult, sometimes, because we are conditioned so terribly by our world, but ultimately, your peace and growth is in that choice.

I leave you with an affirmation from Don Juan, speaking to his pupil, Carlos Castaneda:

Anything is one of a million paths [un camino entre cantidades de caminos]. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. This question is one that only a very old man asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it. Now I understand it. I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long, long paths, but I am not anywhere. My benefactor's question has meaning now. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you. (pg. 105-06)

'But how will I know for sure whether a path has a heart or not?' 'Anybody would know that. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path.' (pg. 166)

Selections from The Teachings of Don Juan: a Yaqui Way of Knowledge

The Joy of Integrity

Ah, bliss!

There is lightness in integrity: which is a state in which we are living who we truly are, and aligned with the scheme of things. It happens by beginning to see things as they are; and then keeping oneself firmly flowing from moment to moment, living appropriately. Now I've highlighted that, because that's all there is to it!

I have to thank you, Prophecy, for having the courage to understand that your remedy is within you and your sickness is from you, and then taking appropriate actions. The path can be long and arduous if you set about to right all wrongs; and it can be instantaneous if you access the present moment completely and wholly - which is to say, be integrated.

Did you know the word integrity has its root in integer, which means, "a complete entity?"

Think of it this way: imagine your current moment as a photograph. What about a photograph in which the person being photographed isn't even there? Or they are looking behind? Or out of the photo? The best photographs have a comfortable subject involved in the situation. It can be a "happy," "sad," or "provocative" photo, but it is as it is, and such is the nature of integrity.

Integrity is not about happiness, but a deep sense of fulfillment is a result of integrity.

So even if you feel that you are unforgiving, thank you for knowing this. With knowledge will come light, and light banishes all darkness by the very nature of the two. Actually it is one, Light, and the mere absence of it.

• Thank you for taking actions to eliminate from your life what you truly did not want or aspire for, no matter what the cost appeared to be.
• Thank you for understanding that you are your first priority, and thus taking care of your very self.
• Thank you for having the courage to say no.
• Thank you for accepting that you are living your legend, and you have your own journey, and for prevailing on the path despite internal adversity.
• Thank you for your kind to your self, for you acceptance of your flaws.
• Thank you for you comfort in your self, for your acceptance of your gifts without being proud or occupied.
• Thank you for letting go, and thus achieving reconciliation with the greater order of Being.
• Thank you for en-joying.
• Thank you for sharing joy, love, and knowledge with others. Perhaps I should not say this, for this is a product of integrity and not integrity itself, yet I wish to acknowledge what I can see, and wish that may Allah protect and nurture the results of our good deeds.

Our flaws are not to drive us insane, they are for us to gently acknowledge them... be un-pitying to them when they are controlling us, but be kind when we can do with kindness. In effect, it is all a form of kindness.

So, Prophecy, the life of integrity, and not any specific event or adventure is the true bliss of be-ing. What you have learned and what you have demonstrated now is also to set the course for the future. Use integrity within yourself and with your path as your guiding principle. Flow from moment to moment and remove the blocks of this flow by being honest without malice and bad intention.

The more you practice this, the easier, you will see, it will become. It is about taking off the dust off the lens of the torch that you are. There is light within you, which is also beyond your control (thank God!). What you control is only allowing yourself to shine.

The Heart of Light

Prophecy,

I know that you haven't deeply forgiven. Forgiveness is to understand that the past is past, it's nothing more. Forgiveness is to be in the NOW, and to liberate yourself from the need of staying in time, waiting to even out the score which, first of all, is not yours to settle and second, is too complicated and inter-twined to be comprehended by one human.

The way of the jumble of Time is simple: NOW.

But if you need assistance accessing this moment deeply, know that prayer is a tool you have. Why worry? Why not, today, take time out to do what you have been considering unthinkable?

Pray for the forgiveness by Allah for those who are (to your perception) in debt to you. Each and every one, even the foulest of creations. And thus you will establish the way of the Creator. Then, have the courage to face the truths as of now: cherish what must be cherished, and eliminate that which must be.

You do it not for them, but for you, and for Allah. There are too many veils between Self and Being. You and Allah.

Your heart is a space; either it has light, or it has darkness. The darkness is annihilated when light shines.

Humans have each our individual patterns of resistance which are all aiming to achieve one thing: preventing light from entering the heart to banish the darkness. This darkness is not an entity in itself, it is a Shadow. Why we enamor this is just an entanglement of the mind, which is analytical - that is, it dwells on the Past. Mind can't do anything else, it is a machine designed to analyze, criticize, compile, parse, and make patterns of endlessness.

The remedy, though, is so simple, you might think it's fragile. The remedy is to allow your heart to experience light. Light will come, and it will overcome darkness.

Allah is the light of the heavens and the earth; a likeness of His light is as a niche in which is a lamp, the lamp is in a glass, (and) the glass is as it were a brightly shining star, lit from a blessed olive-tree, neither eastern nor western, the oil whereof almost gives light though fire touch it not-- light upon light-- Allah guides to His light whom He pleases, and Allah sets forth parables for men, and Allah is Cognizant of all things.
The Qur'an Ch024.V035

Be honest; be steady; be forgiving. It's all as simple as letting light into your heart; the answer is not in clawing at your chest in search of explanations of the Past. You did not create Time. You did not do that past. Have you seen a character in a novel contesting their role? Or forever ranting about what was written of them in previous pages? Or dwelling, by contrast, upon past glories?

We exist in a forever annihilating and subsisting moment.

Forgiveness, my dear, is the lightest of the things to do.

.

Illumination

"Soul receives from soul that knowledge, therefore not by book nor from tongue. If knowledge of mysterious comes after emptiness of mind, that is illumination of heart."
-Rumi

Via: Hamza Jamali

The End of Possession

Prophecy, the temptation for you to remain your Older Self is great. Beware!

We are possessed by none other than our Own Selves. How we command ourselves! We desire, we fear, we crave, we want, we don't want, we attempt to avoid. It creates relationships in which we tie one end of the rope to our being, and hand over the other end to another - by our own will.

Thus begins this bizarre dance that we don't wish to dance, but know not how to take ourselves away from. The other, possessed by their own ego, enjoys pulling the ropes in whatever manner that takes their shifting fancy. Since this requires an unusual amount of mis-applied energy, it's up to the other to fall tired and drop the ropes, jerking the self to a stop in mid-bewilderment.

Most minds see liberation in simply shifting these ropes from one holder to an-other, and still anticipate liberation. When this does not happen, the self becomes furious at an-other other... Now you see even writing about this soap opera is tiring.

Prophecy, we cut the ropes at our own end, and even beyond, we learn the art of not creating ropes at all. Going even deeper, we are in a state where there is no question of a rope, for if there is, there is always an urge and its counter-resistance.

How do we reach that state?

I give you the secret, Prophecy, it's many-layered, so watch this closely and learn:

1. First, release your Self from your Self.
2. End your relationship with yourself. If you "love" yourself, there is the potential of the opposite in duality: the possibility of "hating" yourself. So will you one day love yourself, and another day be unforgiving? No; if you wish true liberation. At least with ourselves, we have the wonderful possibility to end relationships. Relationship take two. You are One.
3. Be one with you. Release your Self from your expectations and fears. You will immediately annihilate the ropes that others control you with.
4. And do this strange thing: release the Other from your Self. End all expectation, attachment, and fear! Forgive. Forget. And thus give yourself the chance to be rendered anew.


The Universe is destroyed and created afresh every moment. Only the Perceptive see this. When you die every moment, when you are released from the possession of your Older, Dead Self, then you are at liberty to watch the miracle.

I will next tell you an exercise...
...

Assume Silence

Prophecy:

Who said your path is easy? You are chosen, or you choose. In the end, it is the same thing.

Ultimately, all decisions that were made were yours, and yet none of them are ever truly your own.
You are still in the world of duality, Prophecy, and the doing deeper than that will not be easy.

If it were, every fool would enjoy the path. It is not designed to be so.

You know the Art; and what you don't know consciously now, I shall reveal to you at the right time. Do neither ask me, nor press yourself to be adequate. None of it will work. Do no-thing, and you shall remain on the path.

You know your tools, and you understand the challenges of the Path.

For you, now, the challenge and its answer is this: Assume Silence.

Assume complete silence until the real design is revealed to you. Do not attempt to manipulate the Universe with your words or actions. The Universe takes its commands from none but its Creator; do not attempt to out-smart the design, or you will be shown the result of this utter foolishness.

Part of the Way

Dear God:

I am the daughter of Adam & Eve - peace be upon them - who sought Your refuge from Your displeasure, and forever set the path of return to the Garden for their children. They were the first of Your messengers.

I am the daughter of Mohammad - peace be upon him - who lived with integrity. He is the last of Your messengers.

So far, I have only traveled part of the Way; in between the method of the first of them, to the method of the last of them.

My reclamation is not complete, but faith is to not know. It means, to be unsure... to have hope and to have fear. Which is only a reflection of the fact that we have learned to live with the fluidity, the originality, and the ecstasy of this existence.

Lover's Sword

Prophecy:

Generally you say, "I am a Lover, and a Warrior."

The truth is that the Warrior, too, is a Lover. It is two aspects of the same being.

War is a sacred human undertaking. It is not violence. It is ending what must be ended if it is not ending on its own.

Part of your training has been war - you are a warrior. Now when you must lift the sword, and wield it, do it with the conviction that it is right.

Remember, it is not the sword that cuts. It is the faith of the yielder of the sword that does.

Do it with neither the concern for triumph nor defeat. Remember the war is fought for neither. The war is fought for the war. Everything is (done) for itself.

This is the NOW.

The Garden of Ever-Changing Forking Paths

Dear Searcher,

My counsel to you is in a story that taught me about the nature of destiny: The Garden of Forking Paths.

This tragic Jorge Luis Borges story is about the nature of destiny, as shown to the main character, a spy, via an elaborate Chine ivory labyrinth minutes before he is to execute a murder he has been assigned to carry out.

The beauty of the story astounded me at first, but you will understand the delicacy of it too.

You see the premise is simple: fate is like a labyrinth, a garden of forking paths. What path you choose determines where you end up in the intricacy of this maze. Should you want to free yourself from this entrapment, there is only path you choose.

Everything else is just a parallel Universe that ends in a dead end. Where it leads you, you know not.

The lead character in the story only wished he ended up in a world where he was apprehended before he murdered the man who taught him about destiny.

But like all wishes, it is a wish: a mere golden cage for the heart, futile and still captivating.

The mathematics of non-being are irrelevant. It is being that matters. For being, my dear, we follow only a single path. When that path reveals itself clearly, it is a rare moment, and it does not last forever. Should you choose then to turn back or aside, you know not where you will be in a few moments. Whether from there will you see the path; will it reveal to you again?

I rather think it's a bit more complicated than that. I sense that this Garden is ever-evolving, ever shape-shifting. It's not an ivory structure... it's a fluid, ethereal illusion.

This makes it all the more interesting, and this requires all the more that you master the art of going from moment to moment.

When you enter the Room of Now, do close the Door of Past behind you. If not, you will be consumed, and the Corridors of Future will be annihilated with you.

Open your eyes!
See the great dance this illusion is in!
See Creation at its being!
See how every moment shapes itself, and nothing is the same forever!
Sense who you are be-ing!

Be fascinated! Yet know that a human heart's flight is even beyond, beyond this illusion! You have no moment to lose in the illusion, for you are to transcend it!

Do not fear loss, there is no such thing. Do not be afraid: the distractions are just to tease you to realize the significance of the Path; they are part of the entrapment of this maze.

You transcend,
you transcend.

.

Come walk with me in the Forest. There's something I have to show you

Prophecy!

This is so crazy! The co-incidence (or not) I mean! The message I am about to tell you of couldn't have come in at a better time! It explains everything!

Look, here I was wondering what a loony I have been for the past few days. Today was in a class of its own. I fell dead silent. As in, my mind just stopped dead in mid-chatter yesterday, and today I just stayed that way.

Yes, I know I should appreciate it.

Wait a mo, I do. I really do. Despite all cultural constructs that view silence suspiciously and as a lack of human activity, I actually know deep inside nothing could be more right! When the Universe conspires in my favor, I can take time to just watch it at work and just help it every now and then.

But hello, I am culturally constructed until annihilated in that respect. I know I am not completely destroyed in that regard, I must wait and watch the destruction of the old me. So I am just thinking, I feel strange. I know I am going through a lot of great changes at once. And if the Universe is within me, my physical and emotional changes must mean a gigantic change in the Universe's construct. Is it any wonder the strange behavior of me with me, and of everything with me?

Now here is a random list of things I have been feeling all together, in a run of 24 hours, like successive currents:

• Having a mother of a pain in my body, particularly the neck and shoulders, with a maddened heart beat
• The urge to cry or to be silent
• Long, frequent sleeping spells
• Several small meals a day
• The urge to compulsively write my heart out, and to do no "productive" work at all
• Being as stubborn and uncommunicative as a Sagittarius can get
• Inexplicable rudeness
• Inexplicable tenderheartedness
• The need to be constantly on my guard
• Or the need to feel guilty about lifting, putting down, lifting up again, putting down again this guard - whatever it is
• The urge to pray
• The urge to forgive
• The urge to love benevolently even when my intent is at its most vicious
• Talking to myself
• Communicating with those who matter in the non-matter dimension
• Receiving their communication likewise
• Writing a diary addressed to my alter ego, You. Publishing the damned thing on the Net
• Talking to Allah. Lapsing in talking to Allah. But always, always, always loving Hu with an intensity that is beyond me
• Being amazed
• Being stunned
• Being shocked
• Being afraid
• Biting my fingers
• Laughing out loud

Enough - that's enough. The point is to give you an idea.

So while some of these experiences are a little more permanent, some are socially a little off. I have been feeling implicitly socially guilty about the goings-on. I know my friends and family are be-deviled by my abrupt changes - they are genuinely concerned with no clue on how to approach me without me pelting their heads with fireballs.

But I have no control over this!

You see our urban lives are very structured. Our expectations are all lined up. There is no time to watch the full moon, except thanks to when the electricity falters. There is no room for being a little off without putting others off. Well - to be fair - everyone does manage to take a "little off" me. But I've been a very off-off me!

So. This week I decided the only thing I am doing wrong is to imagine that things are wrong.

"Our Way is about feats of perception, not feats of action," remember?

Remember?
Question: What's wrong?
Answer: This question!

So. I know the key for me is to let myself BE. No wonder that with my physical adjustment & training is coming a massive life adjustment outside me. Just on its own.

Anyway. Where are we? We have wandered into the forest!

We started off with me about to tell you about the random message. This link popped up on my Gmail feed was just forwarded to me by a friend: 12 Signs of Awakening.*

Just behold what light it has to shed:

"Twelve Signs of Your Awakening Divinity"

1. Body aches and pains, especially in the neck, shoulder and back
2. Feeling of deep inner sadness for no apparent reason
3. Crying for no apparent reason
4. Sudden change in job or career
5. Withdrawal from family relationships
6. Unusual sleep patterns
7. Intense dreams
8. Physical disorientation
9. Increased "self talk"
10. Feelings of loneliness, even when in the company of others
11. Loss of passion
12. A deep longing to go Home*

You know what Prophecy? Each and every bit of this is true.

I am so sticking with my decision to chuck all medicine in the bin. I want to sit with myself and stand by myself through the process of change, social obligations and explanations of my absence be darned! (And if at all, why feel so deeply obligated? Why not have a sense of humor and put those who care for you, at ease?)

I also have to resolve that it is indeed not a sign of greater character to run about seeking explanations for one's own state. The Universe answers, yes, but why must I question its every move? Am I explaining all things to myself, or am I feeling obligated to those around me, who actually might not be holding me as "accountable" as I believe they do?

There has to be a trust between me and my life. One cannot go with a process if they keep questioning it, and trying to make sense of it. So while I thank God for all explanations, I know it shows a weakness I must rid myself of if I am to keep steadily progressing on The Way.

- Wayfarer
Showing you the way
Through the Forest

* Just for the record, my understanding of past lifetimes etc is rather simple: it's all about the DNA, living again and again trough various bodies. That explains the past; the future has a way of being determined by our NOW.
P.S. On this note, I shall write about my uncle's research on the cellular structural world within our bodies one day!

Musharraf's Leap

By the worldly-politicky way, I have learned the art of persisting against adversity from none other than our President Musharraf. Millions of people against him, thousands of fires around him - and only One God on his side. No one can see God, or define the nature of Being... but the presence seen secondarily through events eventually working out in the favor of the person whose side Providence is on. And the key to that is the person-in-question's own strength of belief.

Musharraf the man's actions or their results may have been flawed... or yet not fully realized. But he is free of the worst sin of them all leaders: guilt.

I define guilt as:

"The No Man's Land between knowing that something is wrong, and doing something about it."

That definition came into my head when I was on a tour of Khairpur with AZM, and she and I were walking in a paddy field. We were walking on raised stiles between the fields of God-knows-what crop which was being irrigated. While we were carefully avoiding stepping into the puddles that formed in the fields, at some place, the stile just disappeared under water... and we have to jump to reach the ground just marking the boundary of the field.

It was right at the moment of making that jump that I realized: If don't make that jump, and I also don't want to walk through the wet fields, then I can stay here until the Sun itself decides to evaporate the fields. That, however, would not be my choice then. A farmer could continue to route water into the fields and the SUn can shrug off its shoulders, and carry on towards the West. So either I jump, or I stand here stuck, or I walk through the wet field. If I jump, I can still land a foot in the water - but that is a consequence which is independent of and beyond the action that I take. I only jump, and yes, I can calculate and aim my jump.

It was at that moment that "guilt" became clear to me as that consuming force which stops the world's flow in misery. It's about standing on that stile between the wet field and the dry ground, going neither here nor there.

AZM and I were having a general conversation about spirit right then - and I was speaking of guilt.

Then, I told her this definition that had occurred to me.

The right and the wrong of matters, the consequences of our actions, are truly beyond us. What we can govern is the state of our own faith, conviction, and our ability to take what is the best possible action that delivers us out of a situation that we cannot stay stuck in: good or bad.

If guilt is standing in the no man's land - then what delivers us is, quite literally, a leap of faith.

.

The Memory of Eden and Beyond

Dear Prophecy,

I am usually so harsh on you. My expectation is ever a little ahead of you - wanting to "bring out the best," so to speak.

Eh, that is my flaw. I can not bring out any better than who you are at any given moment. I apologize for my handling of the affair - or for handling the affair at all. My job is simply to watch you, and marvel... sometimes that gives me the illusion that I govern the entire affair.

So. I am no authority in myself, and no certificates issued by me mean anything eventually. But since my only job is to watch and to name things, I allow myself to say this:

You are brave, you are very brave. Your actions may be flawed, but your intention is not malignant.

I don't think, in the recent course of events, you behaved in error. It's the human mind that has a way of interpreting and analyzing the entire Existence to its maddening death, and skewing the analysis. You are agonized by this, because you are not identifying with your mind any longer, but neither are you yet fully conscious. This is necessary - why we don't delight in the matter could be an outcome of our nurturing... so we leave it here.

In matters that have been concerning you lately, you could not have behaved in error. There is no error in the scheme of being! A mistake is what reveals the deep truth of a situation. It is a mis-take on a situation. If your mis-take revealed to you the room for growth in your spirit, it also revealed the same in the Other. So for the moment, things aren't desirable. Let that be.

But believe in the slow work of God. Do not let yourself, for a moment, entertain the belief that you have been wronged, and that you wronged your self. In fact, you did the very right thing... at that moment.

They say, "The one who knew their Self, knew God."
I feel, "The one who doubted their Self, doubted God."

If, in a previous moment, you doubted yourself, then that moment is not your present moment. This very second is all what your life is. The persistence of memory cannot limit us from seeing the vastness of our own being - the enormity of the potential that we are.

We are not small and insignificant, when we look from within. We are the Universe, the galaxies, and the stars. We are dust and we are gold. We are beings of doubt and eventually of faith. Later we realize, that the dust is gold, and doubt is faith.

Remember Shaykh Fadhlalla said something on the lines of: "Doubt is very beneficial. It leads you to find answers."

So you have faith, right now, my friend. What you are afraid of is nothing but not having faith. You are a being whose existence depends on faith. Because you are conscious, you are alive, and you have glimpsed at your own Code. The gifts aren't easy to handle, eh? :)

This is what I have written to your teacher on your behalf:

"I've also realized that the Universe is not against me by doing a complete turn of events within 3 weeks - rather, I was fortunate to have glimpsed that it is favoring me, a few days before this challenge was to begin. There has to be a reason why we start with the Garden of Eden at all: to have its memory guide us on The Path to the Unseen."

... As I write these words, Prophecy, I feel a great wave of calm and relief inside. It is never the matter at hand that matters, but how we perceive it, and what we do with it. You have the heart of a Lover, but the soul of a Warrior.

Warriors do not pity their own mis-takes. They fight.

Get up, again, and fight for what is yours in this world to take! Have no shame, have no fear, have no pity, have no grudge! To love is to love unconditionally, and without attachment. This means that love does not prevent us from being who we are, and certainly not from knowing who we are! Love reveals to us the essence of our being, which we manifest through our good fight.

You look happy? I know you are.

So you walk the Path of the Unseen.
And you remember that you have seen the Garden of Eden.
And that you are a Warrior enough to leave behind the memory of even Eden, and travel to that where it all began.

.

The Heart That Walks The Line

All right, you are not going to rest, I know. Sigh! OK, I am here. Let's work this out, eh?

Now, I'll read you a few passages from the introduction to The Alchemist:

"Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle [on the path to live our legend]: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: "Oh, well, I didn't really want it anyway." We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.

I ask myself: are defeats necessary?

Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.

So, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?

Because, once we have overcome the defeats – and we always do­­ – we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives."

Coelho goes on to conclude:

"But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here."

Please know that logic, reason, and proof are not the way to get ahead on The Path - which is the path of faith - which, by definition, is the path of the Unseen. That means, that which we haven't seen. Logic, reason, and proof are about what lies behind, not what lies under our feet or ahead of us. This Path is the path of the heart, which is about only being sure of not being sure. Remember, you - ah! I have respect for you so I withhold my tongue from calling you names! - you were taught that faith is to not know? Can I pull your ear and remind you? No? I have no parental rights!

Anyhow. Being anxious and protective of one's self makes us indulge in a behavior where we have to "watch out" = watch + out. Look out of the window, not stay conscious of the within.

That's fine on occasion, but you can watch out much better from staying centered in your "room" - in your internal space - because this is room for you... this is your benevolence. Though the truth is that even from here, when you love, when you follow your destiny, then you are certain to have your heart involved...

SE's message for you is:

To be alive is to have a heart, and to have a heart means on occasion to get bruised.

Darling, being selfish is to attempt to not get bruised while also trying to be on your destiny's path. Not possible!!

Yet what does make tremendous sense is that yes, you aren't exactly tasked with smashing your heart to bits either or allowing malignant circumstances to do it. Your task is to carry your heart through the path to its destiny. That I understand. The way to do that, however, is to focus on yourself, and to stay gathered in the room of yours, which Providence has provided for you.

Prioritize your Self, and your perception will open to you. Gather your self within the room... experience the magic... let shine yourself through the window... do not block it to prevent your own light from flowing out, lighting up the vastness of the Universe beyond.

And then leave it all to chance!

.

Through the Looking Glass, Troublesomely

My very troubled Prophecy:

You have put your face once against so close to the glass, you no longer know you are looking out a window... that you are in a room which is enormous, and full of mystery, and in which you experience the magic of being. When you are in the room, that is.

Where are you?

I am no longer amused by your condition - right now, I am downright concerned.

As long as you keep putting your face against this window, you will keep being moved by what's beyond you. You know this is what troubles you; as, indeed, does it trouble any - but some are unconscious of their condition. Then again, why do you speak of others? Do you not have matters to handle of your own, at this moment?

The Other-ness is You-ness, unperceived by you. You begin with you, and you never end.

...Let's come back to the matter at hand.

You are your own project, and your project is you.

Please do not be foolish enough to take upon your shoulders to calculate the moves and matters of others in this world. You will never succeed with the utter madness this will present to your perception. And if you indulge in the affairs of others, no wonder you'll have to keep looking out the alluring window, and miss the magic in the room. Besides, how do you know the meaning of all that you see? Seeing could be blind believing, but it is experiencing that matters - and you only experience your own experience.

Step back.
Step back, and see within the room.
See the Now.
What do you see?

Why are you troubled with the past - which has a way of resurrecting itself that you have not yet gained a control over?
Why are you troubled with the future - which is a product of your fertile imagination with an immense power to create?
Do you see the connection?

Break all these connections - allow yourself the true independence of being - which, my troubled dear me - is the freedom of being you.

You have a right to be in this world, and to experience it - not just the sorrows, but also the joys. Who ordains you to prevent the flow of your being?

Your Ego.

Remember, it's Ego that sustains on all separation, because ego is separation by another name. You will miss on half the Universe if you see just one side to everything. Joy = sorrow. And, forgetful human! you! - don't you see that there is but only a fine gossamer veil that separates you from the Land Beyond Joy & Sorrow?

I liberate you from the compulsion to trouble yourself, Prophecy. Be. Just be. Let love, which is connective, and not ego, which is separative, be you guide. Let even not my words manipulate you, for I am no wiser than what I allow myself to be, which is insufficient.

A heart that loves is also a heart that fears on occasion, Prophecy, because it is a heart that is involved in its own being. (When I am an established meta-physicist, I will work out what that means - but right now it is as roundabout as it is! :])

.