Tuesday, January 04, 2005

And then...

December 11: From blog post: "People Like Me"

I am afraid for the first time in life.

Afraid of myself, afraid of life, afraid of past, present, future.
I feel despair.

But beyond the end of every limit lies freedom. If it's not passion that drives us to go beyond that limit in a leap of courageous faith, it's despair.

People like me! Passionate people like me! Who lust for life... They are driven by these extremes. We mad, strange people on the edge of life. We who go miles before sleeping, and don't fear before leaping....

And yet the worst thing to fear is fear itself....

As always, I trust the God and my will to deliver me.

Sometimes I feel as if I have been delivered: set free to folow my passion. Sometimes I feel like I am the woman in Isabelle Allende's story Tosca - the story of a woman who threw away her talent to her passion, and was left with nothing.

By the way, did I say I stay on the edge of life? I would think I have also swam deep in its waters, and charted the territory far and wide. But life is life beyond me... how much of it can I take after all.

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