Thursday, November 03, 2005

My Eid this year

Tomorrow is Eid. And I couldn’t decide: should I remember someone else’s pain, or forget mine?

After deliberation, I decided to celebrate Eid. I have also done quite a few other things that I hadn’t done in a life time. I acted like there’s no tomorrow. For the first time

  • I bought make-up worth a few thousand rupees in a go

  • I got an Eid dress tailored by a personal designer. It is a beautiful embroided ferozi silk

  • I bought (finally, having got over my sloth) a digital camera

  • I stole my brother’s iRiver MP3 player + recorder. My oldest passion is a tiny recorder. Did I tell you that there is a journalist/ reporter/ on-the-go thinker/ technophile/ spy somewhere in me?

  • I am buying a Siemens PDA phone

  • I am wearing henna and bangles with my new dress tomorrow, inshaAllah. I don’t care if I look pretty in a sad time

  • I am going to a friend’s wedding in Peshawar to have fun. Have fun! And from the merry moments of marriage, I will fly to a sad land to help the people I care about

  • I began all the statements above with an I, I, I. I matter.

Somewhere inside, my conscience keeps telling me I have gone crazy. It is conscience, or some in-built mommy voice with automatic activation? I told my conscience I am not interfering with myself anymore. Like a needle in a compass once displaced by force, I had lost my real bearings for a long time. I will let myself swing free for some time until I settle. Eid Mubarak.

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