Three men's prayers

Met Insi tonight. She listened to the many things I had to say. Why won’t I ever thank God? Thank God for Insi and other people who give me love? Just simple, blank, Thank God?

Alhamdolillah. I am beginning to see You. In the many ways in which You manifest. You are The Matrix.

I told Insi I will take things. Take them as they come. I told her of the many stories that relate to my life as of now. The stories of three Prophets.

I told her that I think of the story of Prophet Is’a [Jesus], peace be upon him. He cried in the prison cell before he was lifted to the skies to be sent again. He cried, and perhaps the words are: “Ilahi! Why have You forsaken me?”

And my heart echoes in anguish the prayer of God’s messenger: Why have You forsaken me!?

And I told Insi that in the depth of darkness, I cry out the prayer of Prophet Yunus [Jonah], peace be upon him, who left his duty in frustration before God him ordained. By God’s command, a fish swallowed Yunus and in its dark, wet envelope he remained for forty nights until God heard his prayer. From the depth of the darkness of the ocean and the fish’s bowels, so had cried Yunus:

“La ilaha illah anta subhanaka; inni kunto minaz-zalimin!”

"There is no God but You, Allah, and all praise returns to You; (indeed) I have wronged my Self!"*

And have you heard the story of Prophet Zakariya [Zecharia], peace be upon him? (Actually, I mis-narrated and made it the story of Yahya, John, peace be upon him.) When persecuted by a bloodthirsty mob, Zakariya reached a tree. In desperation, he asked the tree for refuge. The tree opened and enveloped Zakariya in its trunk. It is said the hem of his cloak protruded from the tree, to which the Devil brought the mob’s attention. What is not said so often is that the hem was left out beckoning on God’s command.

God said to Zakariya, “Why did you ask the tree for refuge, when I am the One who gives refuge to all? So stay quiet, as they kill you, if you are to remain a Prophet (and not be reduced to the ranks of ordinary men who pray to things for help).” So silenced Zakariya and became he quiet, until the tree was halved by the Israelites.

I told Insi what I feel.

Ilahi has not forsaken me. I did zulm on my Self. I feel, in my heart, I should stay quiet as Zakariya and endure this. Until it over. Until it is over.

* The precise words are “zulm on self.” Hurt my self; given pain to myself. I find no adequate translation for the concept of “zulm.”