Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Signs of Life


It's astounding! Two days ago, I desperately wished to die. Immediately. Yesterday, I was alive & working. Today, I was bouncing. And right now, I want to cry!

You realize what this means? Yes, you, see with your eyes eternally set to see the good in everything!

Ah, yes, exactly!

It means that I am ALIVE! Absolutely child-likely! How long since I felt change so rapidly! Must be late teens? Slipping in to the whole adulthood/ academic-corporate lifestyle had sucked my ability to feel and to be quirky. I am back to being the child whose most dreadful nightmare was washed away the moment a chocolate was produced from a pocket.

You know when I was a little kid, I had a little ritual. I did not, as other children trained by their moms were, into family matter machinations. And we lived in one big "joint family." I did not respond to hurt or praise. I had no concern with other people's business or prattle. I was very secure in the knowledge that I was created to outgrow all this. And I learned what I was taught - which was graceful and fun and aplenty - quietly and diligently.

But I kept a record of general unfairness. I did not like how sometimes some people stepped over their lines, with me or whoever or simply in their behavior. So here was my way to deal with what I did not like: quietly walking into the open courtyard whenever I had had enough of world-watching, every week or so, AND LETTING OUT A MOTHER OF A SCREAM! AAAAAAAAAAAAA! Coming from an otherwise poised child buried behind her books, this was a shock for my uncles who were demanded an explanation by my grandmother promptly. They presented their clarifications while glaring while pretending, "No! Who, me? No no I didn't stare down at her!" while clarifying. Oh well! Those were the days!

My youngest and smartest-with-kids uncle came up with an idea. He decided to buy my soul. We formed an agreement whereby every Tuesday, I'd get a bar of this new chocolate with flavored gel in it if I please did not keep up my ritual. I think we agreed on some form of a more organized screaming, followed by a debrief by my uncle. He usually waited around my venting circus with some object that he could scientifically explain to me. Science distracted me, as chocolate bought my political soul.


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