Friday, April 27, 2007

What comes round, when it comes round

Zodiac-wise, I am a Sagittarius. It takes a good deal of time and effort for anything to ruffle me. But when it does!


Often the cool that I can keep surprises people - and God knows why most of us humans have this tendency to keep pushing to see how far things will go. So I know folks who, surprised and curious by the cool, will check to see if indeed I am dead, trying to act alive?

No, dude, I've got my six senses all right. I just master my impulse. But don't think I wasn't making a note while I was sitting and watching.

I am angry at a few folks, finally. Beyond finally, actually. I don't like my own anger because I completely understand my capability to inflict harm. And I mean no active harm to anyone. Therefore my anger has to be earned - I don't expend my energy for free. Which means, once again, that my calm is because of my strength, not weakness. If I decide not to keep a reign on my strength any longer - don't be surprised!

Anyway. You, poor Bloggie, should know that I have reached that level where I am going to give some folks accurate feedback and also let manifest the consequences of their deliberate actions. What you give around, you get around.

You know what Bloggie - are you thinking that I will go out and harm someone? No; I don't do that kind of thing. What I do, however, is that I let go of the control that I have been putting on the consequences of people's harmful actions. I do my best to make sure people are adequately warned.

In this case, I know of a certain ill-treating bunch of people whose secrets were safe with me and others they were serving poorly. I warned again and again and again that wronging people will make them retaliate - make them walk away - but so they listen? Now I am simply going to take long overdue actions. You can only return the harm that's been done to you, which is your right. Even in anger, dear Bloggie, you cannot transgress.

And what are you thinking? I will not jump on anyone's throats not hurt them behind their back. Whatever people do, you are only liable for your own character and grace, not theirs. I will, however, angered and hurt as I am myself, will try the last yet the most powerful recourse that I have: I will pray to Allah, Bloggie.

Were you sacred that I was going to give some kind of violent threat? No. I am not violent, Bloggie though I have completely normal impulses and I feel violence from time to time. It's inevitable in this day & age, you know!

I fear myself, Bloggie, the power of a curse. As much as one can, they should neither curse nor stand in the way of a curse and certainly, certainly, not earn a curse. But you know what Bloggie? A heart that is hurt is a living curse. Only a heart that truly loves is more powerful than the heart that is hurt.

I have hurt people too; very rarely, but when I did, I felt the curse. You can feel such things Bloggie - they are tangible. And when they start happening, you know readily where they came from. There's no way to describe this except to experience this. You can feel in your heart that the ill that suddenly came in your life was not sudden at all. If you can hear anywhere in your heart a guilty whisper, then you are your own judge. Doesn't Allah say that each person keeps the best eye on their own actions? Only we know.

So what I did was to ask forgiveness - in real words Bloggie, not just roundabout ways - ask forgiveness. I said, "I am sorry - I am aware that I have hurt you and though I know you are not the kind of person who will wish me ill, I know your heart has been hurt - and Allah never forgives that. It's because our hearts belong to Allah and not to us - and it's Allah Who deals with this matter directly. That's why we can't willfully stop a heart from aching. I know the ill that ails me will go only if you forgive me and you pray."

Only when I was forgiven, Bloggie, did my pain disappear. I have only done this rarely; and you have to discern between those you hurt and those who are just hurting themselves because you are not acting on their scripts. But you must never, never earn an ill will.

You know for the past some time, I have been forgiving a few people who I thought deserved (or not) to be let off the hook. Even if they don't deserve it, I don't care. I could be a better human if I could learn to forgive. And I certainly owed it because I have been forgiven myself too - we do too much wrong without keeping a count of it, Bloggie, so one should always be aware. There is Great Judge Who's always settling the scores and there's no escaping that justice.

Anyway - sigh! I like to forgive - but right now, my heart is completely not in the mood. Forgiveness has to be real and forever, one can't go back on it. I cannot take unfairness any longer. I am afraid I have made an ill will - and I am afraid ever more that I wish sincerely for it to come true.

Because you know what Bloggie? One more thing that I have learned is that you cannot - you should not - prevent the consequences of a person's bad action from reaching them all the time. Nature has its own way, you cannot prevent a fool's actions from getting back at them. Get out of the way whether you love them or not. They will only learn through the experience of getting back the results of their actions, or never learn the lesson.

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