Thursday, April 26, 2007

What I didn't lose in the Shipwreck

Driven myself to overwork again.

Prophecy, Prophecy! What does it take for you to internalize the word R-E-L-A-X?

Ah - anyway - on the other hand, I have developed (or regained?) that certain level of cool. In some ways I am back to what I call my "older self" or more brand-wise, "A-level Self" ('cos I was at my personality best during A-level days) but I think it's more than being back to old.

We never get back to old. We merely retain bits of our previous selves. But we are always new. I know some folks never change - but are they noting or not that the world around them keeps spinning and changing and it's never the same any two moments? So if they don't choose to adapt, they are left behind. Some are comfortable by extending their complacency beyond them - but oh oh oh - no one can control the larger picture. Ever.

I thought over this - once again, after prayers, as has become my habit - and I see that I am not my old self. I am merely bringing out the best of whoever I was to begin with. I have shed off a lot of the old self. I don't have many longings and desires and wishes and wants that I used to have.

Got to clear something up - you have got to DREAM and hold on to YOUR DREAM - but it's different from what we know will never happen. Desires, wants, etc. Some things are just fairly meant to be. Those that are and can be - we ought to dream about them - keep challenging our boundaries - give more. OK I just wrote, "ask for more" but realized that's not it. You extend beyond yourself by GIVING (which is always represented by an arrow going outwards) ----> rather than TAKING which will forever point inwards <---. Give to grow.

Anyway. I feel cool about life because I have given up the need to depend on many things. I can prolly live without the Internet too - though I am not going to wish that upon myself. But I'm OK - I'm really OK.

Remember what they say - you only own what you can't lose in a shipwreck.

I am glad that I have lived beyond the wreck that my life was brought to. I am on the other side, and I know exactly the value of things. It was hard for me, a few months ago, to get back to what I realized could mean nothing nothing at the time of death - but now I understand that the art of life is walk in the world without entangling with it. It's mastery is when neither having something, nor losing it make you a hero. It is when nothing matters.

Having said that, sleep well and full. And don't miss on the prayers that brought you back to life safe, Prophecy. Never take for granted those who love you, no matter how vast the reservoir of their love is. It matters not what they have, what matters is how you take it for that, truly, shows you who you are.

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