Saturday, August 09, 2008

A Disappointing Woman


You know me, and I trust you. What is it with my prayer for Your Love to increase for me, and the world turning its back upon me?

But to be honest, I finally, really could not care less. I do not care what they think of me, or what they say. I ask You for You; and when I perceive You, I cannot care what flaws, handicap, or imperfections I have. An appraisal of my defections is not just a life-long distraction by default, it also entirely is a statement of ingratitude.

Allah, I do not have a printed certificate from You that declares who I am or what my existence means, that I can present to the world. None such oddity exists either. Nor do I bother!

You created as many ways to reach You as there are hearts in human chests. So I tell You what my way is - regardless of any other way: my way is the way of not concentrating upon my "flaws" but to love You. I see how Beautiful You are, and any other contemplation is a waste. I have had enough of occupying myself with my errors. I do not care! I have no time to dwell upon myself in Your Presence!
In order to accept You, I accept me! That is it! I accept who I am! I accept where I am!

You love me!
I love You!

I will not explain this to anyone! I will not explain how I am sheltered in my homelessness, well in my sickness, and submitting in my 'sin.'

I am, to them, a disappointing woman. A woman who comes up to no expectation, a good-for-nothing, morally-challenged woman who needs supervision. Most think the same, and a few behold me in awe. Neither matter, for I am tired of blame or praise, and I am with You.

And if this all means that my prayer for Your Love is accepted, then witness when I say: I love You. I disappoint all else. And so be it.