Nervous

It has been at least 11 days since my heart told me to surrender the last bit of my grand plans. I feel only the slightest shade of blue and actually, a great of absolutely nothing. It is that time of my life that I have decided to dedicate solely to myself. I have no specific outcomes in my mind, the only thing I know is that this FULL STOP is significant in itself. It should, by the very nature of its utter ambiguity, restore my faith. And make me still. 

I am bringing back a certain discipline and a drive into my life. These few days of "me time" are the buffer zone between now and what is to come. They, however, are my now. If I were to die any of these random moments, I want to be ready. That is all I am preparing myself for. 

And being ready is to give and to give up. I have to give something up. I thought of making a little act out of it... but I think my intent has already shifted the reality. A friend reminded me: "Our actions speak so loudly that what we say cannot be heard." I do think my actions are clearer, and they deliver a loud & clear message in this particular case. It is all about intent, and I have determined mine. 

But I still feel just a tad nervous, may be because I want to be. I feel excited too! I am just being. It is interesting to be in the space of not knowing. 

I have a little decision to make on how to make closure on that which I must give up - but in the world of spirit, I know, the closure has been made. Life is beautiful. I am still awake. I shall go read the lovely book I spot on my table. It's called Women of Sufism.