Tuesday, November 18, 2008

[Notice: AWAY!]

So I am back, up awake. My heart has given me a clear directive: it needs a break. From my expectations.

About 3-4 days ago when I was feeling a bit exasperated at how slow things in my life seemed to be moving, I decided to step back as this thought occurred, and just take a good look at the events of the year.

- Early this year, when I got a dream offer to work in a documentary on martial arts of the world, I realized with some shock, a bit of embarrassment, and a tad of sadness that I am not the fit and able person in body as I am in my heart. I don't dwell on such emotions, so I knew I had to do something - but what? So far I thought that dance or martial arts would give me the balance I craved for. But dance had exhausted me and martial arts were impossible.

In infinite wisdom, God then blessed me with a few nights of such acute physical pain and distress out of the blue that I gave up indecision about an unusual program that I had learned of, and just went ahead and signed up to a slow & patient healing, balancing, & fitness regime.

Less than nine months later, my body has overcome more than a decade's worth of careless tomboy-ish injuries; my posture & poise have improved; and I feel stronger: not just physically, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Indeed, my spiritual teacher, upon examination of my imbalanced condition a year ago, had led me know that if I didn't get myself fixed, I could forget the spiritual path, which not for the faint of stamina.

God alone knows how much willpower my body was consuming a year ago just to keep going, and how much re-moulding of habit I had to do in order to be patient with myself through this process.

This alone is the most significant fundamental step I have taken in order to live the Beautiful.

Now, I am faced with the years' long consequences of having lived an imbalanced life. There is clutter - both physical and conceptual - in my life. I feel incredibly involved in the small stuff.

But wait a second! What am I doing? I was sharing how, 3-4 days ago, when I stepped back I was truly able to appreciate how far have I come in just a few months! How blessed am I!

To complain of myself right now would be to complain of the slow, surprising, and beautifully balanced work of God. Hu knows!

Everything is on its time. Indeed, much of my work in the external world seems slow because I am ahead of my self.

It's time for a break. During this 'break,' I shall actually be doing something even more significant: clearing the clutter out of my life and SHARING things. Hand in hand, I will be re-forming some habits.

This is a spontaneous decision I am making at 3:41 am, November 18, 2008. Because it comes from my heart, and I'm only the medium who is acting out her story - I trust that the One Who's brought me to it, is the One Who'll bring me through it too. Aameen!

This is the 'vacation reply' I've set up on Gmail. See you then!


I hope you are enjoying the winter. I have taken advantage of these extraordinarily quiet times to take rest, and take care of personal matters - most significantly, simplifying my life down to a few possessions. It's the culmination of a year-long practice of living more simply, responsibly, and in tune with Life.

Starting next spring, I shall be taking this practice forward. Meanwhile, I am taking a break to rest, reflect, and complete my personal projects - until the mid of December.

I may not respond but rarely to emails, calls, invites, etc during this time. You will be in my good thoughts and prayers, and I request you to keep me in yours.

See you on the other side! Amen!


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