reckless

Dear A,

i believe in you so recklessly. i don't care what the world says, or they have fashioned me to think - in my heart, i think like none of them nor do i pay any credence to them over you.

well, well, why do i speak of the world? it's about you, and i. i believe in you. i do not doubt. i enjoy this relationship only when it's this reckless, this dangerous, this direct, and so out-of-my-clumsy-control.

someone once said to me, "belief is when you jump off a cliff, and know God will catch you."
i said, "no! belief is when you fall off a cliff, and you care not whether you are caught or not! what if you are meant to die and fall? what if you are meant to be caught just the very moment before you hit the ground, and just a moment before, you lose all your faith? what then?"

to believe, to truly believe, is first not to be foolish enough to linger by and trip from a cliff where one is not meant to be. and if is either in an accident or adventurous enough to be caught tumbling down in such a situation, then belief is to enjoy that absolute uncertainty.

not even uncertainty, for that is the other side of a search for certainty.... but rather this calmness, this blankness, this absence of mind.

this fullness of joy.

and that is how recklessly i abandon myself to you.