Saturday, June 21, 2008


So now I realize what it means. The only certainty is death. The one who seeks certainty must seek death. Or put the other way, it is the death of a thing that can make us absolutely certain. Put another way, only when we let go, are we certain.

I was being such a coward. I say I seek courage. And I advice others about facing death - that is, putting and end to an ever-splitting set of possibilities growing and growing, by making a decision. But I wasn't taking my own medicine.

The truth is, isn't it, that the one who gives advice needs it most? Not just any advice, but that very advice that they give. The truth is, isn't it, that the one we seek is found in our own Self? The truth is, isn't it, that the one who knew one's self, knew God?

I got a message the other day, right after I declared an intent:
"Eventually, however, he realizes that the 'friend' he is truly longing for is his own inner self, whom Shams of Tabraiz had so clearly reflected. He becomes the sun that warns and transforms hearts, attracting people from all creeds, classes, and religions."

My search ended last night. (Or perhaps it began.)

I realized that I have to take a decision. The one who stares at one closed door becomes blind to the hundred doors that open. That is such an act of lack of faith. Somehow it is embedded in the human perception, though, to see the black dot, and not the whole white sheet it's on.

So I stepped back and back, into the realm of the Hidden, until I saw more than I was seeing. I saw possibility in death. Actually, I saw liberation in accepting death as death.

The decision, I saw, was mine. All relationships, my teacher says, need only one person - the person who determines the relationship and its nature for themselves. I looked, and I saw that I wasn't truly accepting death of the past. The only reality is now. If we reverse to the past, we turn back to time, and that sets up in a futile race against our own growth and maturity. Against the expansion of our own Universe.

I decided to accept death. That means, I enter the realm of the Uncertain again. The realm of chance, of accident, of spontaneous magic.

I am taught that the Hidden lies behind and within the heart, and the Manifest lies before the eyes. I reckon that what channels the possibilities from the Hidden to the Manifest world is our unconditional surrender... so that the Hidden travels into the Manifest. In simpler words, a possibility realizes itself only when we get our of its way, stop our active or passive resistance.

I accepted the death of the past, and submitted to the possibility of chance. Of course, that requires faith in that what is given to me is always better and more beautiful than what I could ask myself.

So be it. I accept this. How liberating this is! I can now look at my Universe again with undemanding, cool eyes.